Sittin' on top of the world

Actually, I'm not sitting on top of the world, in a manner of speaking.

Where am I?
I'm actually sitting in my bathroom floor, listening to my wedding dress drip dry.

Why, you may ask?
Well, I decided I was going to handwash it.

Actually, it was a very productive day in that regard. I found a drying rack at Target, which was something I'd planned to get anyway (yay for a place to put bras!). I also picked up a fairly cheap garment steamer, which I'll use on my veil (or will return if it just sucks). And I bought a new iron!
It's sad, my iron was just getting a little old or something. I was ironing some fabric to heat it up before using an iron-on transfer for an embroidery pattern (yes, I know how to embroider - and I actually DO it), and next thing I know there's this weird black smudge on my fabric! And to make it better, I have no idea where it came from! I'd been having the issue all that evening, and I was carefully wiping my iron off before using it... yet there was this nasty black sludge stuff on it anyway!

Today FH and I went shopping. FMIL (btw, that's future mother-in-law) took us to the case lot sale at the commissary as well as general grocery shopping as part of our wedding present. YEAH 60 ROLLS OF TOILET PAPER! (and they're all double rolls, too!)
I can live without spices, but toilet paper is a necessity in my life.
I know we got sage, oregano, nutmeg, basil, salt, ginger, and a few other spices. I can't remember what other spices we got (I already have whole peppercorns and a few other things), but I DO know that picking out spices was just ridiculously HARD! I was looking at them and realizing that i have most of the spices on the shelf at home... But I never use them!
My FMIL is pretty much awesome for setting us up like this.

Actually, both sets of parents are being pretty awesome. My dad's covering the venue and food, and we're getting some of my parents' old furniture. His parents are getting us new furniture, a washer and dryer, and stuff of that sort.

...
And the wedding dress continues to drip dry.
...

I think it's finally starting to hit me that I'm getting married in a month. More specifically, after midnight it'll be "I'm getting married in 4 weeks!"

But that's not the scary part.
The scary part is the fact that FH and I are moving into our apartment on Friday - 6 days from now!
AND I'll be walking at the graduation ceremony in a WEEK!

I'm so excited, but at the same time it stresses me out.

I'm graduating from college, going from having 3 jobs to having one, and the one job is a job that doesn't even guarantee me hours!
Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but it just makes me so unnerved.

FH promised he'd help me find a job in my field of interest, since I just can't seem to find anything... or the jobs that i DO find that interest me, I'm not qualified for (I'm not a CNA, nor do I currently have the time or the money to take the classes at this moment in order to become certified), I can't/won't make it work (one place actually told me I wouldn't be able to further my education due to the demands of the job, and another had shift hours that would be in the evening - which is when I'm trying to take classes in order to have a full-time day-time job!), or for some reason they just don't want me! (and then don't bother to tell me WHY they don't want me)
I honestly fail to see why I wasn't called for a job interview to be the Activities Director at this assisted living facility near here. I've got the experience as an Activities Assistant at another facility. I had experience in the Social Services department, so I know some of the things to do and not to do. I'm a caregiver. I'm CPR certified. And now I'm companion aide certified!
...
Maybe it was just the fact that I wouldn't have been available until after graduation...

You know what the best part is? Only one job I applied to actually told me they didn't want me. Every other job keeps me guessing, and then finally I just have to give up.

Sitting in the floor gets me nowhere in life. And it makes my butt hurt after a while. I'm off to do laundry.

Almost through with college

As it comes to the close of my final "Dead Week" as an undergraduate in college, it makes me realize...
That if I want to, I can just say dead week ended yesterday, since most people don't have classes on Fridays.
Then again, I DO have a paper due today.

I've come to realize multiple things:
1) I hate all-nighters. Really, I do.
I stayed up until about 3 last night, trying to work on my term paper. I was going to try to watch the Royal Wedding (yes, capitalized!), and I thought it came on at 3... And then I realized that it didn't come on at 3. Some station's coverage of it came on at 3! But at about 2:45, I was just exhausted. No freaking way was I going to do that.
2) Yes, I do that typical college student thing of staying up until 1 or 2 in the morning. Just because I do it doesn't mean I like it. I just dislike going to bed, because that means that I actually have to take the time to do it! Yup, I'm just that lazy. But also, the time I spend getting ready for bed... I could be doing other things!
3) I have no idea WHY I decided to take my very first 8AM class during my last semester. Other than wanting the exercise and the fact that I knew the class would have an awesome teacher, I really don't know why I did it. You know what misery is? Misery is me trying to get my butt up out of bed, and then having a moment where I realize that I have ten minutes to get to class, and I haven't even showered or gotten dressed yet!
4) I don't like going to class in my pajamas. Sorry, but no thanks.
5) I don't like people in general. It's just the way life works.

...
So, just over 7 hours later, I remembered I was typing a new blog post. Oops?

Ok, so we'll sum it up this way:
I'm glad to be graduating college. I am READY for it! I'm ready to be through with some of the crazies.
All the same, the last 3 years have been awesome, and I'm glad I didn't transfer out after my first semester.
There's at least one professor I'll be glad to not have to look at ever again. And for that one, there are at least 4 faculty members that I'll miss.

But we move into our apartment a week from today!
Actually, at this point in time we'll actually be heading out to go to a baseball game! And no, I don'e like baseball... But I thought it would be fun. I'm an American Red Cross volunteer, so I get into the game for free, and I get to bring guests for $5/person.
I'm really quite excited for the game. i've never been a big fan of it, but I think it would be an experience. I haven't been to a game in at least a decade... I like the pretzels and nachos! (although maybe I'm just thinking basketball and football, but let's just leave it at I like the pretzels and the nachos). Hot dogs are pretty tasty, too. I'm not going to pretend I don't like the food.

Well, away I go. It's been a long day, so now I'm just trying to concentrate on everything.
And unless I'm mistaken, we should be heading to the grocery store some time today or tomorrow.

Eloping sounds better every day. I blame the movies.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to get married.

But at the same time, I'm sick of wedding planning.
I'm sick of worrying about paying vendors, getting fitted, making sure everybody has their clothes, buying decorations, wondering when people are going to stick the damn RSVPs in the mail when I stuck a stamp on every single little envelope after paying $1.05 between RSVP stamps and invitation stamps, keeping track of dates like when we have to finalize the wedding cake, keeping track of the guys as far as them all getting fitted - heck, I can't even remember what guys are wearing are wearing what color vest and tie! I only remember the color of the vest and tie FH is wearing and what color our dads are wearing.

I'd much rather eat string cheese and yogurt, and dance the samba and the cha cha all day - which works, because I'm rather fond of all of those.

And I'm sick of the girls who can talk about NOTHING but planning their weddings and how much their love their fiancés and all that mess.
I just want to be like "HELLO, DO YOU HAVE A LIFE? WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE YOU GOT ENGAGED?????????"

Yes, planning a wedding is exciting, but that doesn't mean you should lose your brain and not be able to competently talk about nothing else.

Frankly, I'm beginning to think that weddings are overrated, and they cost way too much anyway. Especially if you're not getting married in a church.
And believe me, we're not getting married in a church.
Even as a little girl I never saw myself getting married in a church. I was more of the "outdoors-in-a-flower-garden, take-your-allergy-medicine, watch-out-for-the-bees!!" wedding vision.
If I traded that in for a church, then I had my heart set on stained glass windows.

Well, that didn't happen, but I'm rather pleased with how it did end up working out.

I'm so sick of things not going as planned.
I blame the movies.
Because you expect everything to be perfect. Right? Right.
But in all reality, it's not perfect.

Leading up to the day there's all this stress.
I've only taken off the wedding day for work, because financially it's the only thing that works for me, as I'll already be taking off two other days that month - one day for moving into our apartment and the very next day for graduation.
And that's going to take a big chunk out of my paycheck, which does not please me at ALL.

And when you tell people this, they look at you like "Have you lost your mind? You're going to be MARRIED, a NEWLYWED! Why are you going into work if you can take it off?"
Because let's face it, there are bills to be paid.

Yeah, that's the part that movies don't tell you about.
Paying bills.
What if one or both of you sucks at dancing, or you can't agree on a first dance song, or one wants to choreograph and the other one doesn't?
What you do when you can't afford to take off work?
They ignore that the hotel rooms that give you the flower petals and the sparkling cider and the whole romance deal? Yeah, those are over $200 a night. Believe me, I checked.
They don't tell you what happens when you GET to the hotel (other than what people typically think of when they think of getting to the hotel after getting married... oh, don't make me say it! ... Ok, ok, having sex, you know that whole deal).
So you're not thinking about parking the car, or dragging your luggage inside. You expect that it'll all magically be set up!
But no. You have to carry in your luggage, unless you decided to have things already at the hotel (like your wedding dress bag, your clothing for the next day, some pajamas, toothbrush, toothpaste, maybe some sensible shoes!).
You have to park the car, unless you decide to pay $18 for valet parking.
Yes, $18. I looked this up.
And movies keep you thinking some mess about being carried over the threshold when, in all reality, you're both probably tired and chances are he has no desire to be picking you up in a dress that probably adds an extra 20 or 30 pounds of weight to you, if not more if you decided you wanted to go the route of hardcore princess-y ballgown with lots of fluff.
And from what I've heard, sex is kind of messy. As in, you have to put down a towel or you change the sheets right after or something. Ooooookkkkkkkkkkkk, yeah, you never hear about that in movies.

Let's face it, I can pretend all I want to that this doesn't bug me, but I'm a little upset at the prospect of not having a honeymoon. Movies lead you to believe that you get married and you leave for your honeymoon the very next day or a couple days after the wedding or something.
Well, there are a number of couples who are waiting to take their honeymoons - anywhere from a month later to having it as a trip for their first anniversary!
But if you didn't know that and you either weren't having a honeymoon or were having a delayed one, you end up thinking there's something wrong with you.

Because if we're being honest, sometimes people can't afford everything you hear about in the movies.
And movies glamorize weddings far too much.

Yes, weddings are exciting.
Yes, it's wonderful to be able to marry someone you care about so much.
Yes, it really shouldn't be this big of a deal.
But yes, it still bums you out.

People who talk about going to Mexico, the Bahamas, France, Italy, Spain, Hawaii (particularly if you live on the other end of the United States), Disney World...
Yeah, I'm a huge fan of Disney World, and probably always will be no matter how old I get...
But they don't preface this with "Not everybody can afford this, so you may not be able to try this at home."

And then when I mention this to FH, because he manages to get it out of me that I'm upset about a lac of honeymoon - because every newlywedded couple goes on a honeymoon, right? - he suggests taking out a loan for beforehand, paying it back ASAP once he works more hours during the summer, and us having a honeymoon.
Except I'm of the belief that if you have to take out a loan to a honeymoon or a wedding, well, you probably shouldn't be doing it to begin with.
End of discussion.
I can wait for years to go back to Disney World or Vegas if it means that we don't have to pay back a loan that was taken out specifically for that.
It's called a vacation for a reason. Meaning you should be able to take it without worrying every second about how you're going to pay it back. Maybe for a moment worry about work and making up hours or something, but not about how you're going to pay back the vacation you're on.

Maybe I'm just jaded. We've been engaged for 2 years and just over 4 months - and we're not getting married for another month yet.
I'm so sick of weddings that it's oozing out of my pores.
I thought it was exciting that Prince William and Kate Middleton are getting married exactly one month before us.
Now I'm just ready for talk of weddings to be over, so i can get on with life.

With my husband and our dog, of course, provided that we take the dog with us, but nonetheless.

This whole wedding planning thing is just stupid now, and it just makes me want to go in the shower and cry.

Nobody ever tells you that wedding planning will be such a headache.

...
Ok, I think the stress of finals and term papers is getting to me.
Because once you get past being concerned about jobs and the apartment and bills... Let's face it, I'm not really all that concerned about the wedding.
I really do NOT want to even LOOK at my thesis for my seminar class. She bled all over EVERYBODY'S paper - in blue ink, no less! (Honestly, I just thought that was kind of weird. Yes, our school color is blue so in a sense we "bleed blue," but if you're bleeding on a paper then why not do it in red ink? Or at least something that stands out from black a little bit more than blue ink does!)
And my paper for Experimental Psychology... I'd be lying if I said I'd started on it.

Although in all reality, I just changed my topic last week. Originally I was going to do it on sensory deprivation and isolation tanks (which I think was somewhere along the lines of you lose one sense and the others become sharper), but when it came down to it that was just a topic that I picked because I really couldn't find anything else more interesting to talk about.
And it's kind of hard to get up the motivation to work on a paper when you don't give a damn about it.

So I changed my paper to being about the use of animals in research.
I have to write an outline, and then do the paper... My paper is due on Saturday.

::Insert little kid whine::
"I don't WANNA!"

Ok now that's enough of that.
I think it's time for string cheese and yogurt.
And to actually make an attempt at my term papers. I mean, I DO graduate in... let's see, it's not quite midnight, so 11 days.

You know, instead it might actually be time for bed. I dunno.

Toodles.

Waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting...

I feel all sorts of accomplished!
Well, not on the homework front... I'm avoiding my term papers like the plague. I should probably get on that, huh?

But on that note, I've finished ordering the majority of FH's wedding presents! I placed one order last night and then two within the last 6 hours. And I'm contemplating one more, but I'm going to see how everything goes.

It's been a little stressful figuring out what to get, but at the same time it's been a lot of fun. The most recent one that I ordered (which I can't say on here, in case he decides that he wants to read this) is actually a bit of a long-standing, um... joke?
Joke probably isn't the best word, but it's one of those things that we definitely wouldn't/won't forget in our relationship.

It's been interesting looking at all of the suggested wedding presents from brides to their grooms.

Oh, and I've been enjoying putting "to my husband" on all of the gifts that I've gotten him. I think I've done it on all 3 of the ones I've gotten so far.

...
And I totally just stuck my head in a tree.
As in, within the last minute my head hit my tree.
I completely forgot it was there, so I just leaned back and had a moment of "Hello, little Christmas tree!"

I promise I had more to say, but I can't remember what. There's so much going on.
I'm sure I can figure out something to talk about for later, but until then!

While watching "A Few Good Men" (and then the remake of "Hairspray")...

I decided I would write a new blog!

So last night while buying some fabric in Wal-Mart for a project I wanted to do, I decided that I would buy some of their "instant dress" fabric and make my own dress for graduation.
Well, the dress turned out super cute.
I added in a little slip to go underneath the dress because, let's face it, I hate wearing slips.
Yeah, the slip part ended up not being quite so cute.
Because it was a stretchy material over the bust, I just a few inches off the width of the dress in order to make it fit well. That didn't exactly go over too well with my hips.

The dress itself fit nicely around the hips, but I was afraid of ripping the built-in slip while trying to sit down, so I just cut a slit up the side of it.
At least my underwear won't show through.

And worrying about the slip ripping is saying something, because I don't worry about my stitches coming out.
And I don't say that with an attempt to boast or under false modesty or anything. I say that because when I sew I don't do typical sewing. When I sew I do it as though I'm embroidering something, so I use three pieces of embroidery thread (3 of the 6 that come in a skein of embroidery thread) and I sew as though I'm embroidering something.
I can comfortably say that my stitches are quite sturdy.

I think that after I get off work I'm going to go buy some more fabric to make one more dress.
And, you know, I'll take a picture of the one I've already done. Just give me about an hour or so... Here we go! (this is what I get for starting a blog and not finishing it until later) And please ignore the bra straps.

I'll wait on buying a bunch more, but wow I could really get into making and wearing sundresses, especially because with the fabric (and the embroidery thread I already owned), well, making that dress only cost me about $12 and 2 hours of my time. And that included me trying to get the right amount of fabric

Mind you, the other dresses I liked were $25 - and that's 50% off!! Nothing like saving some money :)

Now as for other things, FH called me this morning and told me to check my email.
He forwarded me probably one of the sweetest messages that a guy could ever get from his boss.
Uh, that is, in a manner regarding getting work accomplished and also talking about significant others.

"You do what you need to do to finish off your semester.  As for your fiancée you might want to consider using her as an island of sanity in a sea academic insanity.  I'm sure she recognizes you're stressed and only want to be a source of respite for you.  Bottom line, treat her like the treasure she is and take her completely into your heart. Just some advice from an old guy who has made more mistakes in his marriage than he wants to remember.

Let me know when you will be back.  There is a promotion on the horizon that we need to work on."

Um, yeah. Even half-asleep at about 8:40 in the morning I thought it was really sweet. I can guarantee that's an email I'll be saving.

And for real, who has a boss that awesomely nice? FH has been swamped working on a project for the past week or so, and even with schoolwork and all they've been pretty good about recognizing that school is important.

Ok I really have nothing else to talk about right now. Anything that I did want to talk about, well, either I already talked about it or I forgot about it. Go figure.

Oh, and if I had the opportunity to be in Hairspray I would totally have dibs on Little Inez.

Or Amber or Mrs. Von Tussle, but I'm not exactly light enough for those parts. If you know what I mean.

Just saying.

Talk about stress...

Alright, now if we're going to talk about stress...
My last post, the first bridesmaid (the one I live with)... We'll call her A.

Ugh, I don't even know where to begin. It's all just this big headache, and with just over two weeks until the end of the semester (and I'm talking 2 weeks and a day until I move out, which is contingent upon my finals schedule) I have no idea if A's moving out now or if she's just moving some stuff and not going to be around the rest of the time.

We decided to have a roommate meeting because, quite frankly, 3 of us (me, R, and K - R & K share a room) were less than pleased about the turn of events of someone else's (M) stuff being moved into our place, us not being asked just told (and K only found out from me and R!), the possibility that all of us could've been in trouble for something we apparently had no say in - despite the fact that we live there and M doesn't.

So we decided on a meeting time, and after we decided on a time to meet we found out her mom was in the hospital.

Ok, so now I feel like a jerk. We're going to have this meeting with a girl who we're all kind of pissed off with to some extent, and her mom's in the ICU.

So we have the meeting, and then R and K get to say their piece, and A seems ok with it... But then I start talking (with something along the lines of "You realize you live with us, not her. Right?" because it's true and we were feeling disrespected! Who moves someone ELSE'S stuff into a room/suite they share with someone, and doesn't ask? Someone else's artwork was on our walls, and we weren't even ASKED! hello, it's 4 people in an apartment-style dorm with 2 bedrooms!) and as soon as i started going there she got huffy with me, and had the nerve to walk out on me, among other things.

And when K and I got back from dinner last night, we found a POST-IT NOTE, of all thing, A POST-IT on our bathroom door saying "I won't be here tonight."
Um, thanks?

It's like the episode of Sex and the City where Berger broke up with Carrie on a post-it note.
HELLO!!!!!!!!!!

So then she sends us all a text this morning saying she'd be by to pack of some of her stuff. Not much in the room changes when she does get here, but then she tells K (or maybe me, I don't remember) that she'll be back to get the rest of it later.
THE REST OF WHAT? Like everything, or just some things? Because she was only taking it some of it home over Easter break because of space in a family member's vehicle, so she'd be able to get the rest at graduation time.

SO now nobody know's what's going on.

K tried to speak to A this morning, ask her how her mom was...

K: Your mom's in the hospital?
A: I already told V and R, they know this!
K: ... Yeah, they told me...

It's kinda like "Gee, thanks, I've only lived with you for 2 years, thanks for not letting me know what the heck is going on or not thinking enough of me to tell me yourself!"

Some people just really need to grow up and get over it.
I'm tired.

And then this morning! Now with A, but with a classmate's presentation.

He presented on medical marijuana, and you can tell that he's all for it.
But in addition to talking about legalizing marijuana (mostly medical purposes), he brought up good points, talked about the pros and cons, did his best to answer questions efficiently, give examples, and he had a BUNCH of resources and even a table directly from one of his sources.
Well, the whole time this girl sitting across from me was rolling her eyes, sneering, and making rude comments to the girl next to her. AND when he was answering questions she got all huffy and in a hurry about the questions she had in a hurry to prove him wrong or make him look like an ass or an idiot or something. She got all huffy with "Well, you said this and the paper said this and I don't think that's right and...."
I just wanted to be like "LOOK NOW, DID YOU LISTEN TO HIS PRESENTATION???"
Quite frankly, I think she has her own unresolved issues.

I don't CARE what she thought of his presentation, because she clearly thought it was crap, but with everybody else's presentations he was at least decent enough to not roll his eyes at everybody - and that includes her presentation that even SHE didn't like!

And I told him after class that I appreciated him not looking down his nose on other people's presentations.

Frankly, I just wanted to reach across the table and slap this girl in the face. HARD. Instead I settled for a nice knuckle cracking - much louder than the ones I usually get out when my fingers are stiff.
She really needed to be smacked...

I hate stupid and rude people.
It's funny because she only treats him like that.

Yeah, he may not have the same viewpoints as everyone else, but that doesn't mean that his are any more incorrect than yours are correct.

My father always told me that opinions are like buttholes: everybody has one.

I'm getting really sick of RSVPs...

And our RSVP date isn't for 2.5 weeks!

But for real... I've got one bridesmaid telling me she may bring two guests, but isn't sure. Finally I said something along the lines of I don't know if both of them would be able to come, if it was just one then i would be more understanding but if the two of them would be ok not coming.

HELLO, I ONLY INVITED YOU!!!!

You don't just TELL me you're bringing a guest! And it took a while for her to even tell me WHY. If she'd just said "Hey, these two people will be tag-team driving me back because I can't drive and need a way to get to the wedding, can they come to the wedding or is that not ok?" then that's different! And apparently recently she's gotten into the bad habit of telling people stuff that she really needs to ask permission for to begin with, like bringing these two people to a margarita night after the wedding, a night that another roommate's mom is doing for her daughter's CLOSE FRIENDS after the wedding (see also: mom is doing it for that bridesmaid, the roommate - her daughter and also a bridesmaid-, another roommate/bridesmaid, and an usher/close friend) AND she said something along the lines of "We could just leave afterward" - which implies drunk driving, AND which makes that friend AND her mom liable, on top of the drunk driving issue.

Furthermore, I don't know one of your "guests," the one who doesn't know ANYBODY coming to the wedding except like two people, I'm not too fond of her anyway from what I have heard (and I've heard a lot, especially because I LIVE with this bridesmaid and they're ALWAYS on the phone - and this girl is LOUD on the phone, so I hear it all). And for all i know this girl might decide to bring her weed with her! Best part is that I'm not joking...
And I'm not too fond of your other "guest," because even though she's nice, she brings too much drama to the damn bedroom we share! I'm sorry, but a 10'x10' bedroom is barely big enough for the both of us WITHOUT you moving in someone else's SHIT "because her parents might take it" - HOW OLD IS SHE???? AND I'M SICK OF HER CRYING EVERY TIME!

Our program attendant said she might bring her mom as a guest. Ok, I'm more understanding with this one, because while I didn't give her a "guest" option (we only gave 2 people a "guest" option, because one practically demanded it and the other wouldn't know many people), she also doesn't know the area very well, and would probably be more comfortable navigating the area with her mom there.
I told her that if it comes down to it then she can always stay the night before the wedding at our apartment and we could figure it out from there. Which means she has the option of not bringing her mom and hot having to stay alone.


(This next girl I'm not mad at, just frustrated that we're trying to plan things and we don't really know what to plan)
Now I've got another bridesmaid who I talked about before who may have to bring her mom and her mom's friend with her - but she told me they probably weren't attending the wedding. They'd just be coming because she's never even been to this state before, let alone this far north.
Ok, whatever. I can understand that, because she's a couple months older than me (she'll be 21 a couple weeks before the wedding), and while my dad probably wouldn't demand to come with me if I was in a situation like this, he would be on the phone with me every morning, every night, checking in and seeing how things are going.
THEN she told me that instead she was bringing a friend (which I'd said ok to AGES ago) so she and the friend were driving up.

NOW she's telling me that her mom has decided they're flying, AND her mom and her mom's friend may come - and they "probably" aren't coming to the wedding.
I know it's not her fault, but I can't help her find a hotel to stay in if they don't know exactly when they'll be coming.

Ok, LOOK NOW. I only invited one person. ONE. If there's only one name on the invitation, then that's the only person invited!!!!!
Inviting ONE doesn't mean everybody can come.
And "probably" doesn't tell me anything. Probably means there's still a chance that we're paying for extra people.

By "we," I mean my dad, because he said he'd take care of the food. But I promised my dad that I would do everything I can to keep the costs down.
Yeah, $13/person isn't the end of the world, but when you get to about 200 people coming, and most of it's family, then YES, that's a LOT of money!
We don't have all the space in the world! Not everybody can show up just because they feel like it!

GIVE ME AN ANSWER AND BE DONE WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!

Let me clarify: I'm not against people bringing guests. If they want one that badly then they can at least ASK me nicely (and the last bridesmaid I mentioned has done that), but I'm so sick of people saying they don't know if they'll be bringing guests.
Money doesn't grow on trees! (actually, isn't it made of cotton or something???)

THEN you get the people with their "I didn't get my invite yet!"
I'm sorry, but WHAT? Ok, if you didn't get your invite yet, and you said this to me, and I haven't said anything about "Oh, maybe it got lost in the mail" or "Sorry, I haven't gotten to it yet," then chances are YOU'RE NOT INVITED!
ESPECIALLY because the person that had the nerve to say this to me is a person that gave me her address "for her invite," and I TOLD her that based on space because of the number of family being invited, I didn't know whether or not I would be able to invite her.
Which is true, but also having her there would just be too much damn drama. I had enough of it when I lived with her for a semester of school, and then whenever she stopped going to school but still came crying about every little detail. My roommates and I all blocked seeing her Facebook statuses because they were all manic-depressive with either "Loving my life" or "WHY DOES MY LIFE SUCK SO BADLY?" And most of them were negative, because she kept blowing it up to be something massive. She got engaged, broke it off, complained, and then got engaged to another guy, and broke THAT one off, too - within the span of two months!

And then other people with their "Well, mark me down as coming!"
Um, can I PLEASE get back an RSVP first? Not only because I stuck the damn stamp on the envelope, but because it'd be nice to have a HARD copy of everyone coming. With 100+ invites out, there's no guarantee that I'm going to remember every single person coming if they tell me, I don't care HOW we're related!
Oh, AND they haven't bought their plane tickets yet, so there's really no guarantee there anyway! I understand they're going to TRY (one of these people is an aunt helpiing pay for the wedding cake as a gift), but EVERY SINGLE TIME they make some headway on finding plane tickets, something comes up (usually it being her reading the thing wrong and thinking things are cheaper than they actually are).

I just want to be like PLEASE send me back the RSVPs. PLEASE.
But knowing my luck i would say someone's NOT attending because they didn't bother with the freaking paper, and then they'd show up anyone and THEN where would we be, other than probably facing fees for extra people not included in the head count.

And all through this I keep reminding myself that not breathing is for dead people.

Oh, and my advisor OR the department chair of the program I'm starting next year for grad school won't pick up their phones (yes, I've sent an email and I've gotten to the "I'm calling you every five minutes or else!" phase), so i can't sign up for classes since my advisor gave me the INCORRECT information, so I'm already kinda irritated.

"Well, we're movin' on up to the east side..."

This weekend was a pretty interesting one as far as timelines.

And freaking out, but that's for later.

FH and I move into the apartment 3 weeks from this past Friday.

I graduate 3 weeks from this past Saturday.

And we get married 6 weeks from yesterday.

I'm excited, but I'm still nervous.

We've got things planned out, what's going on when.

FH and i are looking into joining accounts later this week - or at least some of them. I think what may end up happening is that we end up with one credit card (or two, not quite sure), we share one checking account and one savings account, and then I believe that we'll each have our own checking accounts from there.

We'll have to figure out how that's going.

I'm sick of people having hissyfits about my shoes for the wedding.

They're not the ones wearing them, and if they really don't like them then they don't have to look. I'm not getting my dress hemmed just so you don't have to look at my shoes the entire time.

Think of it this way: If you're staring at my shoes the whole time then either they look good or you need to get out for being more concerned about my damn shoes than the fact that my sweetie and I are getting married.

And they need to quit making assumptions about them. I'm tired of having to defend my decisions. Mind you, I've told very few people, if any, anything shoes-related.

The end.

I don't know why I suddenly realized this (as opposed to thinking about it ages ago), but my last big paycheck is this week. I mean from the job I'm keeping, where I get the majority of my hours.

I'm still going to get my paychecks from the job I have on-campus as well as the one that I have closer to the school, but combined they won't be as large as the one that I'm expecting this coming week.

And I won't get another (larger) paycheck until two days after we move in.

Oh, and get this: I CAN'T FIND MY PAPERWORK TO TURN IN FOR MY HOURS!!!!! Which means if I can't find that... I don't know if they'll pay me until two days AFTER FH and I move in to our apartment. WHAT THE HECK!!!

Rent. Pet deposit. Utilities. No pet rent each month, based on the fact that we get at least that much discounted for being students.

Thankfully we'll have some groceries and whatnot taken care of.

And for everything else, there's Dollar Tree! (you'd be surprised what worthwhile things you can find - just don't buy the garbage bags, because $1 for 6 or 7 bags is a waste of money, to be completely honest)

We still need a shower curtain.

Yeah, I'm getting sick of counting. That's really about all I've been doing. I guess once the pet deposit is taken care of then it won't be as bad, but then after the wedding there's, let's see... insurance. Car insurance. Health insurance. Renters insurance.

I'm so glad my class at 8 was cancelled.

I have work tonight at 6:30.

And there's nothing like realizing that you're really getting ripped off when you go to work. Nothing like it at all.

But we're not going to go into detail about all of that.

For now... I just want my advisor to pick up the phone so that she can remove my academic advising hold - mind you, she told me that I would NOT need to talk to her in order to sign up for classes. Gee, THANKS!

My advisor's sweet, but they WOULD give me the lady who can't pick up the phone or reply to emails.

I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT I'M DOING NEXT SEMESTER, THANK YOU!!!!!

I'm ready for something positive to happen. Like my advisor picking up the phone. I've seriously been calling her about every five minutes or so. I'm sick of this.

In spite of stereotypes, or because of them?

Now I'll be the first to tell you that people don't exactly consider me to be "dark."
Then again, when you compare me to most of the people on my campus I'm not exactly "light," either.

And it hasn't escaped my notice that, even though I love my school... I live in the boonies.
And I'm black.

*cue gasps and "OMG I didn't know you were black!" from readers* (lol)

I have two jobs doing non-medical in-home senior care, one on the weekends and one that's during the week until I get my diploma in 3 weeks.

For this job during the week, I have one specific client the entire time (unless it ends up that I get a new one or something).
Well, said client lives HARDCORE out in the boonies. I mean you take the town my school is in and drive half an hour to an even smaller town.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my client. She's a sweetheart.
And I don't have a problem with driving the half hour to get there in the evenings.
What I DO mind, however, is driving hack to school around 10 at night, when there's nobody on the road except for me...

I seriously quake the whole way back because, if I'm being totally honest... Well, I'm just nervous and that's all there is to it. I'm absolutely terrified of getting pulled over in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere.

Now of course unless they have awesome vision then it's not like they can see who's behind the wheel, but you hear so many horror stories of women who were either pulled over or who had car troubles then were raped and/or mugged and/or killed by someone who stopped to help or something.

And let's face it: There's a reason that there are so many horror stories about black people in the boonies. On my first day of work with this particular client I saw at least one person watch me drive by - and not because I was the only one with a car, because plenty of people out there have them.
Heck, for a little town the houses were much nicer than I thought, too.

Just to give you an idea of just how small this town is: my client isn't concerned about locking her doors or about closing one of her doors. Or closing her blinds.

I keep waiting for someone to poke there nose in the windows, and for me to go screaming - regardless of whether or not the person happens to be a neighbor.

*cue scary movie suspense music*

People don't need to knock to enter, either. I was told that whenever I arrive I don't knock on the door and instead just go in. Whenever her neighbors arrive I'm only alerted by the jingle of the bells on her front door.

Now I keep wondering how much of this is me being unfair and if I need to give it a rest, how much of it is me being realistic, and how much is me being overly cautious and if I should not worry as much.
But it's hard not to worry.

It was especially horrible driving back from work on... Wednesday, I believe. I don't know if you saw it, but there was an episode of Criminal Minds on TV where this guy was preying on college girls with similar appearances (I'm well aware that I don't look like anybody out there, ok? so one obstacle down), and then it turned into college girls with similar appearances while they were babysitting (now I don't babysit, but I'm sure you see the resemblance), and THEN he got someone who was about to leave after babysitting - AND he killed the dad, too!
THEN he got into the house of his old babysitter, who apparently married his dad and he was apparently in love with her, and they actually showed a close-up of him cutting her arm!

Oh, and they showed him looking into the windows of all these girls.
Creepy much, correct? Especially when I thought about how the doors in the house I was in were unlocked...

I mean, without even putting the race card into it, I avoid parking in parking garages. I HATE having to do it at the airport, and if there's no parking at the mall then I'd rather park out in Egypt away from cars.
Heck, I try to avoid parking next to people at the store, especially bigger vehicles (and not just the idiots likely to horribly ding my car).

Thankfully I do not have agoraphobia or anything of that sort. Because wow.

I just keep telling myself that not breathing is for dead people. Thankfully (yet at the same time regretfully) I keep reminding myself that I only have 3 more weeks with my client.

Reminder to self: not breathing is for dead people.

Pet Peeve of the Day: Rude Brides (Ok, pet peeve of forever, really!)

Monday one of my ushers said to me that another usher would be on crutches for the wedding. Which I hadn't quite thought about, but it is quite reasonable. I mean, he DID just have knee surgery some time in the last 3-ish weeks!

Well, yesterday (I think it was yesterday??) the usher we were talking about wheeled up to me as I was getting a snack from our school's coffee shop, and told me that he'll probably be on crutches for the wedding.
Naturally I didn't look surprised.
I told him that if he wanted to sit there in his wheelchair and look cute then I'd be more than ok with it.
He insisted that since he's an usher he's going to do what he's supposed to, but he'll just be doing it on crutches.

And then he felt the need to tell me that it's possible he might have his knee brace on over his tux pants (likely won't fit underneath pant leg), and he'll also have to see what his doctor says.

Um, ok?
Look, if you have to wear your brace then you have to wear your brace.
Don't feel the need to kill yourself or injure yourself or anything just to stand up my wedding.

And I told him that I was more concerned about him being there.

You know what he said?
He said he was glad, because he's a groomsman in another wedding like FOUR MONTHS after mine, and that this girl would probably flip out on him if he told her he might be on crutches/in his wheelchair/have a brace outside of his pants on her wedding day.

Mind you that this girl is supposed to consider him to be like her OLDER BROTHER!

Seriously, you're going to freak out over someone taking care of themselves but still trying to do what they can to stand up there with you on YOUR FREAKING WEDDING DAY?
You're going to throw a hissy because he's on crutches or has a leg brace outside of his pants?

Instead why don't you shut up, give him a hug, and say "Thanks, I really appreciate it?"

Because for real? There is no requirement for him to be standing his behind up there with you guys, or even for him to be wheeled up there or whatever.
You wanted him there because he's close to you, and you're SUPPOSED to be thinking of him like your brother. He's there for you because he cares about you.

I don't understand how she could even be comfortable with that train of thought!
(and seriously, if she's getting married 4 months after me, she has nearly 6 months to go... there's no guarantee he'll even be on crutches then... but still! You know what I mean)

Look, I understand that sometimes things don't go the way you want.
I understand that you want things to be perfect.
Heck, I understand because I'm planning a wedding, too, and I want it to be perfect.

But as long as I get married to my sweetheart and as long as the people we love and who love and support us are there then I'll be happy.
I'd LIKE for everything to be perfect, but at the end of the day my flowers are fake, my skin is horrible from years of acne and will be covered in make-up (which I hate), the cake will be awesome, and the decorations will be minimal, but FH loves me for who I am and I love him, and we're getting married while we're surrounded by our friends and family.

...
Oh, and I want pictures. Because pictures are nice, even after the day has come and gone. And I want to be able to remember it as best I can in 50 years.

And if he's in a wheelchair the day FH and I get married, I hope we get a picture of him popping a wheelie! LOL

People never cease to amaze me.

I was originally going to post on something else, but a thread I just read helped me decide to go ahead and do this.

I can't imagine that people actually ask me if I'm going to do something for my mother at the wedding.
Yes, I'm going to forget my own mother at my wedding. I really appreciate that insinuation.

I don't like "Your momma" jokes (or "yo momma," as some prefer). You can joke around all you want. I'll defend my family and friends if you talk about them. But I'd be lying if I said you didn't run the risk of getting slapped or punched if you talked bad about my mother.

For as long as I can remember, my mother was sick.
And for as long as I can remember, there were moments where she was crabby as hell about it.

I didn't like it. I didn't understand it. At times it pissed me off.
There were times where she struck me as lazy. As mean. As kinda kooky.
She didn't like walking, and when we went out to eat we had to convince her to go with us into the store after eating. The nurses in the facility loved her, particularly in her good moods, but sometimes she just gave them hell. And my mother was goofy as can be.
But I loved my mother. Make no mistake about that. Everybody loved my mother.
Maybe not as much when she was in one of her moods, but my mother was a lovable person.

Scratch that, my mother IS a lovable person.
My mother may be dead, but that doesn't make me think any less of her.

My mother was given about 4-5 years to live, and instead she got nearly 20. If I ever have a pity moment about it, then I try to remind myself of this fact.
I can't be greedy. I got my mother at least four times longer than everybody had expected.

I remember when I was 6 and we lived in Virginia, I'd gotten really interested in throwing a football. Mom and I were taking a walk around the block, and she took the football from me, ran a little bit, and then stopped to wait for me. And we laughed.

In July of this past year my mother had a stroke.
Friday July 16, to be precise. I was working on my internship at the facility she stayed at, and then I left early to make sure I would catch my plane to get to our family reunion 1,300 miles away. And after I landed there that night (evening??) we were driving and got a call that my mother was in the hospital.

I hate to admit it, but over the years I've become rather jaded about hospital visits.
I hate hospitals, but I've gotten used to being in them. She had appointments all the time. Back in January she was in a rush to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night, fell, and had to get stitches in her eyebrow. My senior year of high school she pretty much dropped like a rock at the front of a store and an ambulance took her to a hospital, and that February she was in the hospital for quite some time for testing.
There were times when I'd get home and she'd fallen down the stairs.
My dad and my sister remember worse stuff than that, her drinking a "drink" she made out of cleaning supplies, or having a metal pan in the microwave. The years, the accidents, the moments that led up to the discussion of whether or not we should have her catheterized.

God, I feel like I'm talking about a dog. "Have her catheterized." It sounds like "Have her spayed."
Ugh.

But after all the moments, and the hospital visits, and all the time I took for granted visiting my mother... She's still my mother.

In high school not only did people think I was an only child (youngest of 3, older sister never went to my school, older brother doesn't share my last name) but people also tended to think that I was brought up in a single parent household.

My mother embarrassed me. As a 14-year-old, it was mortifying to know that my mother had bad balance and that she would talk to anyone and everyone. She used to joke with strangers about giving me away.
...
When you're five, that kinda hurts.

As I got older (well, in the last 2 years) I finally discovered why my mother and I would argue so much, and why she would call me names and maybe try to smack me when we argued.
No, I never tried to chalk it up to parenting. Because when we argued we argued.
Yeah, I yelled right back and on occasion I called names too, but I never hit my mother.
And there were times when I couldn't stand her.

But now I finally understand somewhat. I guess.

There are times where I wonder if it would've turned out differently if I just hadn't caught my plane to the family reunion. I was in a hurry to leave but make sure I had my work done, and I didn't bother to check on her before I left the facility and rushed out to the airport.
I also wonder why I didn't spend more time with her when she was in the hospital.
I avoided going, because I hated seeing my mother hooked up to wires and tubes - and for the most part the tubes were the only thing keeping her breathing.
And I had my summer classes, and I had my internship to finish up in about 2 weeks and I still needed hours, and I had my life to get to.

And I thought that, as usual, things would be ok and she would get to go home.
And then things would be back to normal.

Then I realized a day or two before we took her off, that my mother would NOT be going home.
Or, as some people saw it, she would be going home, but not here.
When I saw that I tried to spend more time in the hospital reading to her and spending time with her. I wonder why I didn't read with her more when I had the chance.

Instead I watched my sister, my grandma, and my aunt read to her. And then I either just sat there or I left to do whatever.

Then July 30, on my birthday... I have never had such a sucky birthday in my life. In addition to the crappy week, running in circles, picking up people from the airport, chauffeuring them around... My grandmother got on a plane to go back home, because even though we were taking her child off of a ventilator the next day and even though her granddaughter was turning 20 that day, she couldn't stand to see her child laying in that hospital bed like that.
...
But I was supposed to watch my mother like that, and not have my grandmother with me?
Oh, and to top it all off... We went out to dinner for my birthday! Because apparently my family doesn't understand what "I don't want to do anything on my birthday" means, and that what I "really" want is to go out, despite me not saying so. Because apparently I want to see people on my birthday and be forced to play nice with the bitch that my father married. Her and her hellion children. Because I wanted to have to watch my father sitting next to this woman as my mother lay in the hospital, regardless of the fact that my parents were finally divorced at this time, and because I wanted to sit next to my aunt who decided that then was an appropriate night to be ordering some vodka or whatever she was drinking.
Yes, because that's the perfect birthday outing.

And then the next morning I got to stand next to my mother, hold on to my family, and cry as we watched my mother gasping for air without a tube stuck down her throat.

...
And i couldn't even get a picture of what she looked like, alive, without a tube stuck down her throat, before the gasping began.

I'll be honest, it was horrible. FH was there through the whole thing, holding hands with the rest of us, and he cried with the rest of us, and then for a while after that he just felt HORRIBLE.
I forgot the rest of us were used to being in the hospital...
My mother liked him. Sometimes I wonder if she liked him more than she liked me, because she was certainly nicer to him... But I'm glad she liked him. There was one time where he and I picked her up from the facility. She didn't want to hold on to my arm, wanted to hold on to the rail instead, and fell (or almost, I don't quite remember). She wouldn't let me help her, but when I asked if she'd let him help her then she did.

At the same time, it was not something that we'd expected. The doctors gave her morphine "to ease her suffering," but as her daughter who didn't know what to expect, but thought it would be quiet and painless, do you know what I saw?

I saw my mother, gasping for air, my family using the hose to suction the liquid out of her mouth so she didn't choke, and occasionally a doctor coming in to add some more morphine... And then I saw the blood going in the suctioning tube, and I really started crying.
Maybe it's just me, but I have never thought of seeing blood as a "good" thing.

My aunt and I scoured stores to find a pretty dress for my mother to wear for her viewing and her funeral
This is what we found:
http://www.vonmaur.com/Product.aspx?ID=21660&Sale=n&pg=4
Or at least something along those lines, but in a deep purple.
The used to sell a very similar one at David's Bridal, but I can't find it on the website...

My sister and I decided not to have her buried in her rings... She never took them off (or rarely, if at all). My sister wears one and I wear the other.

...
For someone to ask me if I'm going to do anything at the wedding for my mother, that takes a lot of nerve. And I mean a LOT.
I don't always think about my mother for a long time, but I certainly think about her daily.
There are some things you don't forget. And the first 20 years of my life (give or take blips here and there because it's thought that people can't remember before the age of about 3) and the week the followed with the viewing and my mother's funeral... I don't know how somebody thinks I could forget my mother.

So the answer is this: YES, I'm going to do something for my mother. NO, I won't tell you. And YES, for a moment I wanted to smack you for even asking me that!

I have yet to figure out which I'd freak out over more: losing my engagement ring, my promise ring, or my mother's ring.
I'm inclined to believe that losing my mother's ring would come with the biggest blow.
A marquise-shaped diamond ring can be replaced.
My promise ring can be replaced - maybe not 100%, but I know they still make the style with other stones, i'm sure I could find a ruby one.
My mother's ring, on the other hand... I wouldn't WANT to replace it. She wore it for at least 20 years. Yeah, the other two have sentiment, and there's no way I'd give up any of my rings... But it's my mother's ring. And that's all there is to it.

I love my mother, I always have, and I always will.
There are very few things in my life that i regret, because I don't want to live my life regretting things, but I regret not spending more time with my mother when I had the chance. And not just the two weeks between me leaving for the airport and the day after my birthday.

Something I don't understand

(Yes, I could easily become attached to blogging - and frequently. It's rather quick, and it's not like my thoughts stay in the same place constantly or something)

Now as I've mentioned, FH and I will be moving into our place in less than a month. And with moving out of your parents' home and into your own place, typically there's stuff you need to take care of. Right? Right?
Right.

Well, I've been told that FH and I should not be buying anything else for our apartment.
Which is cool that people want to buy stuff for us.

And then I realized: we will be in the apartment for THREE WEEKS before the wedding - I highly doubt we're going to get some of the things we actually NEED three weeks before the wedding.

Like a shower curtain and curtain rings. I'm sorry, but I don't fancy the idea of cleaning up water after every shower.
And dish towels. I definitely went and picked up some in our wedding colors (blue and orange) from Dollar Tree. Hello, everything's a dollar! Was I not supposed to be washing dishes for 3 weeks? That's kind of gross, and our plates wouldn't last quite THAT long. Unless we had paper plates or something. But then there's the issue of drinking glasses. Now I'm ok with paper plates, but for some reason I've never really been a fan of plastic cups. Couldn't tell you why, though.

I'm sure there are other things that we'll need before the wedding, but those are just the two that stuck out (oh, and potholders and oven mitts, but not the point).

As my oh-so-logical father pointed out, registering for dish towels and bathroom towels is sensible because towels wear out over time. FH and I have had our own towels for three years, thanks to going to college. I guess those will wear down eventually.

But really, was I not going to be doing dishes for 3 weeks?
(Mind you, we have dishwasher tabs and will have a dishwasher, but kitchen towels can be used to other things, too!)

So because I got a nice lecture on how a wedding registry wasn't a Christmas list (except for the fact that a registry and a Christmas list are the same thing: a WISH list), I added stuff. Because apparently board games and fun video games (I mean of the dancing and workout variety) have no purpose in life if you're contemplating not having cable or not wanting to go to the fitness room. Or, you know, if you have friends.

Now as for what was added?
Toilet paper, paper towels, bleach, dish detergent, more laundry detergent, Midol.

Yup, you read that right. Midol. And I don't mean any kind of Midol, like Midol Complete. I don't mean Pamprin. I don't mean Tylenol, because the Lord knows that Tylenol is HORRIBLE and does pretty much NOTHING when you have cramps... Come to think of it, I wonder if there's any Motrin on there.
I figure that if someone really wants us to have stuff we'll use and wants to help us "get started" then there's no harm in putting stuff we'll actually use on there. Yeah, I get cramps. I'm a 20-year-old female who, at last check, has the ability to bear children. Midol comes in handy once a month. More than any serving platter or china pattern that we would use either once in a blue moon or, you know, never. I'm that rare girl that dislikes china. Shiny, expensive, breakable stuff makes me nervous. And there's no place to store it, and I have a blind dog. That just spells disaster.
We don't need a billion mixing bowls. Right now we don't even need cooking utensils (minus tongs and other such things we'd rarely use). We have a toaster, a crock pot, a sandwich maker, a waffle maker of the non-rotating variety, a vacuum...

We need cleaning products. Cleaning products and toilet paper.
And sheets.
And maybe if someone wants to make a donation to pay our rent, that'd be cool, too!
(Yes, I'm laughing right now)

This whole deal just perplexes me.

"The rest is still unwritten..."

I find that in a relationship, at least in ours, compromise is something fairly important.

FH and I will be moving into our first apartment right between finishing finals and my college graduation. Our biggest issue with the whole moving situation is the furniture discussion. As I've previously mentioned we'll be getting a lot of my parents' furniture.
But as I found out today, even though FH and I discussed the furniture situation and he didn't mind us getting it to start out, apparently he felt that everything in the apartment was going to be "me" and there would be no sign of "him" anywhere in there... Talk about a way to start out a marriage.

As a wedding present and because his parents aren't helping out with the wedding, they bought us a washer and dryer. Which is cool, because clean clothes are awesome - especially clean clothes where you don't have to trek to the main building in 3 feet of snow just to get them.
Well today FH told me that they would also help us out with other stuff if we'd like - desk, dining set, TV stand, TV...

One of our issues in the "there's no space for me" deal is the fact that, if we're being completely honest, our apartment IS small. And we're a bit confined because it's apparently cool to stick an angled fireplace in the room.
Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely fireplace, and I'm sure we'll enjoy lots of snuggle time in front of it in the future. But when we're trying to figure out where things go, an angled fireplace in a small living room is a pain in the butt. And it ate up any maneuvering we wanted to do with having a computer desk and a dining room table.

For us, a desk is a fairly important thing. Even though I'm graduating in less than a month, I'm going back to school. FH will be working on his undergrad for at least another year. A computer's pretty important, and in addition to our laptops FH also has a desktop that he keeps EVERYTHING on (and when I say everything, I mean there is nearly 120 GB of music in his iTunes. It's pretty ridiculous, yet awesome).

But I also feel that a table is important. Yeah, I don't eat at a table all that often (the couch is comfier!), and I don't need one that's large by any means... But I want to be able to eat breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner at the table with my husband if we decide to. I don't want to be stuck to just eating on the couch, or using TV trays or something. I feel like that would take away something important - and, you know, increase the potential for the dog to come up and steal our food! (I've had the dog try to steal my chicken alfredo before. I was not pleased, as I was gone for maybe 10 seconds - and could still see him)
I guess you're saying that a table isn't a big deal, but I like being able to eat dinner at the table with my husband on our anniversaries, on our birthdays, on special days. But I also like curling up with him.
Oh, and maybe I'm weird but I don't think a dining room table belongs at the front door. I just wasn't feeling that idea too much.

We discussed putting the computer in the bedroom - which neither of us want, because inevitably someone will be up in the middle of the night working on an assignment last minute (yeah, probably me!)... And his desktop glows. A glowing CPU is cool, but lights keep me awake. They bug me. A lot.
So like I said, neither of us want that.

However, for a first time apartment we don't have all that much space. Clothing and everything, yes, there will be plenty of space. We're pushing our luck with the bookshelves, but we can do it. But when you add the rest of the furniture then space is just literally eaten up - mostly by the couch and love seat!

So we decided to go look at furniture today, and see what we liked, what we didn't like, what we love, what we hate, and what works with the space we've been allotted.

After plenty of hunting, me seeing in person what the washer and dryer we have looks like (but in a different color!), lunch and a Burger King shake that was LOADED with strawberry syrup (sad day!), and a trip resulting in me getting home an hour later than I expected to work on taxes, we've come to an agreement.
I'll be the first to tell you that I hate most of the desks in stores. Frilly and frou-frou bug me. I don't like wood too dark. I don't like it too light. Too tall, too big, too small, filing drawers, not enough desk drawers...
I'm an organizer at heart, if I have the space.

We finally found a desk we could agree on, and one that would even give me some desk space, space for my printer(s) in addition to his, and an area to put a floor lamp in.

After some hunting we also found a dining table we liked that wasn't obnoxiously large (3'x3') and came with little stools that you can push all the way under the table when you're not using them to save space.

We also drew visited the apartment complex to view the model and get complete measurements (ours will be slightly larger than the model) so we could draw in what we're working with to get a more accurate idea.

The funny thing is, this whole apartment... "event," if you will, with us trying to compromise...
It sounds a lot like us trying to find flatware.
Because even on something as "small" as flatware, we wanted more of a compromise than just to pick something out. I had a relative tell me to put flatware on our registry, despite me telling her at least twice that we were NOT going to put it on there because we wanted to pick out our own flatware. It's nice that people want to help us out, but I'd rather not have us stuck with something one of us hates and the other likes for the next 20+ years. That's just not cool. And it's small things like that, like one hating something and the other liking it, that could eventually snowball into some kind of resentment for what FH was concerned about earlier: there being *none* of one person in the place.
Because what do you do if everything is of one person and there's nothing of the other or of the couple in your life?

And if we're being real?
It takes two to have a marriage (unless you're fundamentalist LDS or something, but you know what I mean).

She's Like the Wind

(Ahh, the title from a Patrick Swayze tune. I love the movie Dirty Dancing. And yes, Patrick Swayze actually DID sing this song.)

So, um... I'm getting married in 50 days! Talk about exciting :)

It's interesting to think about all the things that are coming together - and scary to think about those that haven't.

For instance, with graduation coming up, I really need to step up my hunt for a full-time job. I've put in a few applications for jobs that I really wouldn't mind, in addition to the one I already do on the weekends, but I haven't heard anything back.

It's especially frustrating, because I'm so qualified for one of the jobs I applied for that it's ridiculous. I have experience doing exactly what they need! ... But wouldn't I have gotten called a week or so ago for an interview, if that's the case? I applied a month ago...

On that note, as a college student preparing to graduate and get married, I actually have 3 jobs right now. But I'll only be able to hold onto one of them after graduation. It's kind of hard to tutor on campus when you won't BE on campus, isn't it? And the other job, well, I'd be driving an hour down the road to get to it.
The one an hour away is like the job that I DO plan to keep: there is never any guarantee for hours. I have a steady client every weekend, but if we're being real with each other, clients don't last forever.

Man, that's depressing. Especially since my client is super sweet.

On to happier notes! Later today FH and I will be taking ANOTHER tour at our new apartment complex! He told me last night that he thinks the office is getting irritated with him. This is our third visit. The first one was by ourselves. The second included my dad, his younger brother, and his parents, just to see what they thought of our top pick. And now this one, after we've applied and put down a deposit, been accepted, and have our new address(!!), this tour will be so we can physically measure what's going on with the room. There's a difference between being given a copy of the floor plan of our apartment and actually being able to measure what fits.

We have a fireplace :)

If there's enough space, I would love nothing more than to bring in a couple recliners, put them in front of the fireplace, and read with my future hubby and have Domino sleeping in front of us :)

It's amazing to see what's coming together, and how people have your back.
I know since my dad brought his now-wife into the picture, our relationship crapped out. Hardcore. Which is hard, because I've always been Daddy's Little Girl. And this woman and I REALLY don't like each other. Her younger daughter and I are ok. Her older daughter hates me and, if we're being honest, I don't give a damn. There is no requirement for her to like me. Although I have to say, since she wants to be rude enough to ignore me, even when I say "hi" or that I'm taking the dog she supposedly really likes to the vet to see if his vision is ok, then I'll be damned if she shows her behind up at my wedding.

But since my dad has remarried and my mother is no longer alive, my dad said that I can point out whatever old furniture of theirs that FH and I want, and we can have it. Well, most likely have it. Right now it's highly likely we'll be getting the furniture in the den (couch and love seat), as well as my parents' old bed.
My dad and i are also going to get out my mom's old dresser. Before mom got sick 20 years ago (yes, my life) they had plans to refinish her dresser together. So he and I are going to do that. I thought about including FH on it, but I think this is a father-daughter project and that it should remain that way.
Bittersweet, but I'm really looking forward to it.
The only question now is how to redo it. It's sort of this antique white, which is really pretty. It's been that color all of my life, and I don't know how I feel about changing it. I don't know if I want to do an update of that color, or if I want something more wood-toned...

What do you do when you take something of your dead mother's and change it completely?
I mean, it's not like I'm chopping it up or anything. It's just... weird to think about, I guess. My mother's been dead about 8.5 months, and some days it feels like I can just drop by the assisted living facility and go see her. Other days it feels like it's been ages since she's been gone.

...
I don't know what I'll do for my birthday this year. Or if my birthday will ever feel the same. Because once midnight hits at the end of my birthday, then it'll be the anniversary of the day we pulled my mother off what was essentially life support.

I try to think of this positively, because my mother never wanted to be on life support. But at the same time, we pulled my mother off life support the day after I turned 20. 6 days before my sister turned 27. And no matter how you think about it, it still comes with a sucky feeling. Because that stroke ruined what I had left of my mother.

I'm going to go now. I had free time to type this because my client is asleep, but if I'm being honest... Crying at work is no good. And I have no desire to start.

Ahh, life.
Life is.
(You complete that sentence, if it feels incomplete to you.)

It's hard to believe how things change in 3 years

Today as I was browsing Facebook in my spare time (like I normally do, quasi-procrastinating on term papers), I saw that one kid I went to high school with now apparently has his own photography business! How cool is that?

http://www.milsteadphoto.com/#!portfolio

http://www.facebook.com/pages/John-Milstead-Photography/137634336308423?sk=info

(A little promotion never hurt. I'm all for showing love and helping people achieve their goals! If you have a Facebook you should definitely head on over an "like" his page!)

Not only that, but this guy I REALLY had a thing for back in 8th and 9th grade - and I mean I had a crush so huge it was embarrassing; I really don't know how he never found out, because everyone else did - well, apparently this kid has made a million dollars!
Don't know how, but his Facebook status about it most definitely wasn't joking!

I find it interesting, because they're both something out of the ordinary.
I mean, there are kids I went to school with who are engaged and/or married, who have kids (and then there are the ones you never would've pegged for it! talk about surprising), who joined the military and have been overseas (or just don't live in Nebraska anymore).
There's also my former best friend, who's done marathons and is training for an Iron Man, who has been to Africa and back...

It makes me sit back and wonder what I'm doing with my life.
There are those moments where I wonder why it feels like I'm doing NOTHING meaningful with my life, despite the fact that I'll have achieved a Bachelor of Science in Psychology in 3 years and will be starting on my Masters of Science in the Fall - a lot farther than a bunch of people who've graduated before me.
...
Not that those people haven't done something with their lives. They're far more established in themselves than I am.

It makes me realize some of the things that I want with my life.
I DON'T want to be the person that gets pregnant right after getting married. Kids are adorable, but they scream, they cry, they poop... They're basically a mini person that doesn't pay their way and you have to keep an eye on them constantly. I'm sorry, but I can wait a while to have some kids.
I don't want to be the person that gives up her hopes and dreams for someone else. I haven't given up what I want to do with my life because of FH - I've molded my dreams to include him in them. Being with him hasn't changed who I am. I'm still the same person.

BTW, FH = "future husband." Just for anyone wondering.

(Flashback to the girl from high school who was rude to EVERYBODY and now has a kid... Is it bad that whenever I think of her I have to wonder if her kid has made her any nicer? She certainly looked nicer in pictures, and I mean mentally/emotionally nicer, not physically nicer).

At the same time, it makes me proud of my achievements. I'll be completing my degree in less than a month - heck, I'll have just walked across the stage at graduation a month from today!
I'll be starting my M.S. in the fall (or in the summer, if I decide to go that route).
I'm getting married in less than 2 months.
I have certifications, and I'm proud of where I work... Yeah, I need another job or to extend my hours on the one that I work, but I'm proud of my job, of what I do. I've heard people tell me that it takes someone special to do in-home senior care, and I don't do anything medical, and sometimes I'm frustrated (yeah, people get frustrated at work), but I feel like I'm doing something good. And I enjoy that.

Well, I'm out for now. I could keep talking about this, but I have to get going and take care of some things.

If you happen to be a fairly big supporter of education...

Please take my survey. In support of my education!

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/CV3HZHK

That's all I have to say. Oh, and thank you, and you're not required to take it if you don't want to, there are no rewards for taking said survey, you may quit the survey at any time if you do not wish to continue...
And really, it's a survey about caffeine.

Thanks.

There's a first time for everything.

I haven't really done anything like this since, say, 9th grade back when Xanga was really popular. I mean, not unless you count the blog on our wedding website.
Good grief, I'd forgotten about Xanga.

I'll be honest, right now I really don't have anything to talk about. But maybe that's just because it's late and I'm tried.

I'm watching Dirty Dancing right now. It never gets old.
...
Am I the only one who is glad that Johnny and Baby interrupt the little "group song" number at the end - and not just because it means they're dancing? Every time I hear it when it comes on I just CRINGE - especially with Baby's sister Lisa's singing. There are moments where it sounds really nice, but it goes back and forth between nice and BAD so freaking quickly. I'm just thankful that my ears don't bleed!
(Oh, and I also enjoy a rather smug laugh at the horrible lady Vivian who tries to frame people because she's jealous. Because at the end she's sitting all by herself after that mess and cheating on her husband)

I'm sure I can think of something else to post later :)