Run the World (Girls)

On our way back from KC and the Diva Dash 5k, I decided to look for the song "Run the World (Girls)" by Beyonce so that I could purchase it on iTunes and add it to my stash of running music.

As I did this I discovered a number of other running songs that I was lacking because of this lovely thing called "2 separate iTunes accounts, now only have one". It's not very pleasant, and that's a completely different story.

Anyway! Last night and Sunday night, it seems that I have turned this into one of my "Power Songs" for running. As in, I don't care how many times I play it (well, I DO care, but you know what I mean!), it never ceases to pump me up and keep me moving. It doesn't have to get me going faster, although that's always nice. It just has to keep me going and encourage me to keep my head up and that I can do it.

Last night my head kept trying to tell me "You can't do it". "This is impossible". "Don't bother". "Give up now". "Goofy's Race and a Half? Who are you kidding?!". "Dopey Challenge? WTF? What is WRONG with you?!?!?!?!?!?!?!".

I gotta admit, Beyonce was one of the ones to help me through it.

A marathon... Something I've never done before. A half marathon, I've done. A full marathon in under 7 hours? When they give you that as your time limit, it ultimately seems *horrifying*, to say the least. And couple that with a half marathon, and maybe a 10k and a 5k, depending on available spots at registration, and my brain is telling my body that, well, it's a fucked up idea.
Pardon my French, but if you run, you understand. Or even if you don't run, and you're just trying to DSD - do something different.
It's terrifying to imagine being out there for 7 hours... I know I won't be alone, but it is just terrifying, especially knowing that the farthest I've ever done in training is about 10 miles, and 13.1 miles at once during the half, and 16.2 miles the entire weekend (plus an ungodly amount of walking on top of it).

Oh my goodness, and to know that the people who win marathons are out there for maybe two hours! It took me 3:11:57 (I think???) to complete the half! (Although I have a goal to complete it faster than that, but I guess it IS a relief to know that I can complete it within the time requirements)

At the same time, I have to keep reminding myself that I have 9.5 months (oh dear) to train for whichever Challenge I happen to be able to register for. And it's far enough away that instead of marathon training I can arguably do ultramarathon training to be prepared for the long weekend... Or combine some ultra training with some marathon training.
Aren't most marathon plans 4-6 months long?

Let me quit psyching myself out.

The fact of the matter is that I keep telling myself that I can't do it... But I'll never know until I try.

What is it they say? It's some percent physical, but some (much greater) percent mental? At this point I really think it is.
And, of course, continuing to strengthen my body for it.

But 9 months is a long time. Deep breaths :)

Oh, and where I was going with the whole Beyonce thing! There's a line that says something about "Smart enough to earn the millions, strong enough to bear the children... Then get back to bi'ness."

ETA: (Why, yes, I DID just type "bi'ness". Because that's how it sounds to me... Although I still can't believe that I actually typed it. My apologies)


NOTE: I began typing this up before a training I had to attend for work this morning... I was all set to publish it. Then I was going to meet DH for dinner and I had a fortune cookie (Yes, I ate a cookie before dinner! LOL) and this is what it said!

Perfect timing for this entire post, no? Even more inspiration/motivation to keep my goals right where they are and push myself to try to make it work :D

Diva-licious for the Diva Dash 5k!

In the last 24 hours DH and I packed up, drove to Leawood, Kansas (just outside of KC), slept, got up, I registered for and completed the Diva Dash 5k, and then we came back home.

A girl I went to high school with told me about it, and I was so excited because there will be one in Omaha in May.
And then I realized... It's on the same day as the Runway Run, which I've been wanting to do for the last year. It's one of the events that got me interested in running!

So I talked with DH and we looked up the Diva Dash 5k... The event is also in Tulsa, Wichita, Topeka, and KC (see: Leawood), unless I'm mistaken. We were unsure of making the drive there, but last night he surprised me with the go-ahead.

We got to our hotel just after midnight, and were out the door by about 7:15 this morning. The website wasn't kidding when it said that the start/finish of the race was basically right outside of our hotel, when it talked about discount rates for the race.

Pre-run I stopped by the face-painting tent they had for everyone. I told the lady to surprise me and she gave me a beautiful purple, pink, and blue flower. That was at about 8:20 this morning. It's 6:30 in the evening. That flower is still on my face, and I. Am. Loving it.
I've gotten a few weird looks for it, including from some middle-school-age looking girl who just kept staring at me during lunch whenever I turned to look at anything.
DH calls it my "war paint".

I'm not gonna lie when I say I was freezing my tail off. I made the mistake of not really warming up, and in the first quarter-to-half of a mile I could tell my muscles weren't really warmed up. My calves felt tight and... Well, my toes were numb, but that wasn't from not warming up. I just don't bond well with the cold - something I should've thought of sooner. I didn't bring a headband (earmuffs) or my long sleeves for running, but thankfully I had other stuff with me. I threw on a sweatshirt, my mittens (that were gloves on the inside - not great for me, but better than nothing), my Steelers hat, some calf sleeves with my long shorts, and I was good to go! Well, for the most part.

It was a very nice loop, starting us off in the shopping area our hotel was in, going through a neighborhood, down a street (Nall Street??), past the outdoor mall, through the edge of the parking garage, and down through the drive to the shops we started at.

It was the first run I've ever done by myself. And I saw in action something that I've seen mentioned again and again on websites: when out running, be aware of your surroundings. Especially when alone, but also when running with others. As we were running through the neighborhood... Well, people live in neighborhoods, right? I got to witness a number of people blocking cars trying to slowly drive away from the crowd of females. And they weren't aware they were blocking moving vehicles, unless they suddenly turned around, the person next to them tapped them on the shoulder, or, in the case of one person I saw, someone ran up to them and told them.

Basically, it's important to pay attention to your body AND your surroundings.
It's something you know, but sometimes you realize not everyone is aware of it.
Headphones shouldn't drown out everything.

Oh! In addition to it being my first run by myself, it was my first run in the cold. I admit that I was totally using my mitten for my nose a little bit.
My nose lightly ran almost consistently for the first two miles. Then suddenly my nose was pretty much done running,.. And then I started lightly sweating. Go figure.

I'm rolling my eyes at that, just FYI.

Finish time: 39:20.9

My next time goal is to get under 39 minutes. I'm hoping to do the Illuminite Run the night before the Runway Run and get a sub-39.

I'm enjoying myself :)

"After Ever After"

I absolutely could NOT resist sharing this video that I found through Twitter earlier. It's called "After Ever After", and the guy's (Jon Cozart) YouTube name is Paint.

He pulls the stories of four Disney princesses, and sings (from their point of view) about what life for them is like after "Happily ever after". Is really freaking amazing., hilarious, and kinda sad at the same time because of how much truth/fact is involved in it when you take into account history, even recent history.

Also, his voice is freaking amazing. And not just his voice, but the talent and sheer skill involved in putting this video together and getting everything aligned as well as it is.

So now, without further ado... Enjoy.

And believe me, you'll enjoy it.

Learning by Burning? Nope, Avoiding Burnout!

I know I just posted a new blog very recently (as in, less than two minutes ago as I type this), but this is an issue important enough to me that it deserved its own post.

Burnout.

So far, it's something I've managed to avoid. But in the last couple months (specifically, February with its crazy test prep and anxiety and everything) it seemed like burnout was something that was going to hit me - and hard.

It's no secret among my friends that I'm a bit of a night owl. But I'm starting to get it together and try to go to bed, uh, BEFORE midnight or one in the morning (see also: No more checking Groupon right at midnight! ... Yes, yes I am that person... Or I was, at least).
I also have to wonder if part of that had to do with me being tired.

To condense a suuuuuper long story, it's been stressful. Super stressful. If you've checked out previous posts, you know about comps. I've also not been working as much as I used to.

Correction: I'm working more, when you add in my internship, I just wasn't getting paid for it.

Nothing like basically working a full-time job and not getting paid for it, huh?

On the same note, because my schedule has been reduced to only weekends for my one job, and my stable client moved to be by other family, I haven't been working much.
See also: three hours every other weekend.
(Mind you, this client I see every other week is such a sweetheart. Love her!)

But the fact remains, I was relying on my husband for income. What I was making wouldn't even cover our gas bill sometimes (No, I will not say how much the paycheck is, or what our gas bill is... But either way, it's a big drop from working 15-ish hours every weekend). And I was sick of it. Sick of it, and worrying myself sick because I just want to make sure bills get paid, and for a while when we first got married we'd had an agreement that I would be the predominant provider due to school scheduling and all. I wasn't used to relying on someone else, but I WAS used to working my tail off.
And after a while, especially as I realized that I was racking up internship hours (BTW, I'm OFFICIALLY done with them! Nearly 200 over my total minimum needed), but I was tired. I was frustrated. I was appreciated, and I knew it, but it was hard. Especially when I'm used to doing the math to make sure bills get paid, even though I KNOW they'll get paid. I can't recall ever having been late on a bill.

But it was always me saying "I'll take care of it", simply for the fact that my family stresses education BIG-time. And I already have my Bachelor's degree, and I didn't want my husband to worry about finances while completing his... And there was no was he was dropping out of school to work. No way.

Eventually it takes its toll on you.

I have to say, I'm super excited that I've been hired on as an official full-time staff at my internship. It's exciting. It's exhilarating, and enjoyable, and it gives me such an opportunity to learn (and grow and be more flexible - it's amazing what having a set of keys can do...). I've enjoyed the staff since I started there - actually, today felt like it was my first day again, I was that excited and happy, and the consumers were excited to hear that I'd be staying on.

However, a small part of me wondered... Is it the excitement getting RID of the tinglings of burnout, or is it the excitement HIDING those feelings?
Either way, I tend to use the excitement to my advantage.

Let's face it, as an unpaid intern working 30-40 hours a week... Who'd already completed her minimum required hours, and far EXCEEDED them... After a while, you start losing the motivation to... Show up early or on time (I know, cardinal sin in the workplace! Horribly shameful, and something I know better than to do). To feel good about going.

One of the things we talk about in the Anxiety and Phobia group that I lead there... Is "Personal Meaning".
I have to say that being hired there... Gives me a sense of meaning when being there. More than before. It gives me a sense of direction. I can learn more about the position. Help out more. Get more into the documentation side of things, learn more about the processes. Not feel like I'm nagging someone when I have scheduled a one-on-one meeting with someone, and I need keys to open the phone room. Be able to meet with more individuals one-on-one.

Oh, and here's a big one: I feel more accepted.

Not that I wasn't to begin with, but when the desire, anticipation, excitement, and determination start waning, and burnout starts setting in... It's kind of hard to be enjoyable to be around, I'm sure, and when it's comes to wondering if someone will be reliable... That shouldn't happen, but I know it's something that happens to many, many people out there in the world.
My head's been churning with ideas, with the possibilities of the things I can do and the ways I can contribute - that was a big thing with me before I switched departments at my internship. I was welcome, until it became apparent that there were many things that, as an intern, I couldn't do alone. Then I became a bit of an annoyance to at least one person. Thankfully someone understood - the guy who was in the program with me, and interned in another department before he was hired. He understood that it wasn't easy, and that it could be terribly limited, and for that I'm grateful.

Ok, enough of my gabbing about burnout and the importance of having a sense of meaning and direction. I think I'm done blogging for the night. Thank you and thank you ☺

Marching away!

Yes, yes, that was my cheesy way of incorporating into the blog that it is now MARCH of 2013. And what an exciting month it has been so far! It's almost absurd how much excitement has been happening.

Also, as a heads up... My brain is working in bullet points in order to sort everything out. So it's all wrapped up in a nice, neat package... That is hardcore sealed with tape in every opening for security (and a little bit for fun, to watch people try to find a place to pry it open... Yes, I am THAT person at Christmas and on birthdays. No paper is left in tact when I'm around! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok, random maniacal rant over)

• On March 1st (a week ago today) I took the written portion of the test that I need to pass in order to graduate with my Master's in May. I felt SO much better about that portion than I did about the CPCE (160 multiple choice questions). The sections I got were: Careers, Groups, Consulting, and Multicultural. Pretty much everyone I've talked to feels much better about their 4 essays than they did about the CPCE.
• I believe the scores you can receive are: high pass, pass, low pass, and no pass. You're only allowed one "no pass" for an essay, and if you get one then you have to redo that essay immediately. If you get more than one "no pass", well, you have to retake the entire written portion the next time it's offered - and in this case, that's in the fall. Which would delay graduation until December, if that were to happen. But I'm fairly confident in my essays, the only exception being Careers. Seriously, they talk to us about theories in the majority of our classes, but theories specific to Career Counseling?? They were only in that class. Go figure... But hopefully I'll find out soon!
• On March 4th I met with my internship supervisor and my instructor. It's always great to get compliments; my supervisor occasionally remarks that I'm probably the most prepared intern he's ever had.
• On that same token, one of my goals to work on (and one of my biggest insecurities regarding counseling) is theories. More specifically, working to identify my theoretical orientation, and learning more about it. I have a basic idea of the theory I mesh with best (CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) but often I find it hard to put into words. That and I barely got out of Theories with a B-. Originally I had a C+, but I emailed the professor and he bumped me up. If you get two C's in this program then you get put on academic probation. If you get three C's, you're out of the program. You can appeal your grades and all, but even without emailing my professor, I wasn't feeling especially confident in that particular class.
• On March 5th... Well, I went to class. And I spent time talking with one of the girls who works at my internship about possibly applying for the open position at my internship. She told me to think over it that night, but basically have my decision made the next day, because it's a vacant position they need filled and, while they like me, it'll probably get filled fast.
• That day I also went to our apartment complex office about a 2-bedroom apartment. No, nothing like a baby or anything, so don't get to freaking out! Just more space. A girl can only have so many bookshelves in a 1-bedroom apartment without tripping over stuff, right? And then I went and worked out, and I met someone in the fitness room! It was weird, he was nice AND he actually talked to me! Not usually something I get while in the fitness room, that's for certain.
• March 6th... I spoke to my site supervisor about the open position. She told me to get on the paperwork. I forget what else happened.
• March 7th (this being yesterday) my site supervisor gave me a copy of the application, and told me I basically already had the job but that I still had to fill out the paperwork. And shortly thereafter I had a staff member tell me "welcome aboard". Which reminds me, we have a new staff member on my team. She's beyond nice, and she was excited to hear that I was taking the open position.
• Even better! I got home, saw that there was mail from the department at school... The hubs had to open the letter for me, I was so nervous... But I passed the CPCE! Which means that assuming that the essays turn how how I'd like them to, I'm graduating May 4!!!!!
• Oh, and to top it all off, a book I've been waiting on finally came out. It was 2.5 months past the original deadline, due to author illness, but I'm so excited for it. I finished it tonight, and I'm looking forward to when the final book in the trilogy comes out in April or May.
• If I haven't mentioned... I'm a sucker for romance novels. The book I've been waiting on is called Armando Returns, and it's by Reeni Austin.
• Aaaaaaand today, March 8... I turned in my application for the position, as well as a copy of my resume. AT about 10:15 this morning, less than two hours after I turned everything in, I got a call from HR confirming my acceptance of the position, some super basic information, and that my official start date is Monday! See also: I'm going to be getting PAID to do what I've been doing the last few months. Also, more responsibilities, but no big. Bring it on!
• Unfortunately this means that I'll be switching teams and will be working with different consumers than I've been working with the last 4.5 months. That is, I'll be working with the same people, but less intimately with some and more intimately with others. It's disappointing, but I'll look at it as an opportunity for growth. And I know the new staff on my (original) team loves the team, and that she'll be great.

I have my first full-time job! I feel like such a big girl now! ☺

And that's the previous week of my life in a nutshell, basically. Also, tomorrow I'll (hopefully) be attending a counseling conference on campus. I'm excited, they JUST started offering it free to students. I was going to try to go before they announced that, but now I'll definitely be trying to go.