Women's Running Series Bloomington, MN Half

I can't remember if I posted on this before (what kind of blogger am I?! haha, kidding), but I talked it through with DH and I signed up for the Women's Running Series Half Marathon in Bloomington, MN in June!
It'll be my second half marathon, my first one by myself. That latter part is  intimidating  terrifying, but I have to remind myself that not only am I doing the Dumbo Double Dare by myself over Labor Day Weekend, I'll be doing the Dopey Challenge by myself in January. And maybe a couple other runs in between.

I always  expected  knew that I would be doing many of my runs and races by myself, but when it's only happened once then it's something you forget about.
I also can't help but remember the Princess Half back in February. I was in such a nasty mood, and my legs just hurt so badly that, of all things... I contemplated giving up.

Now, obviously I didn't, and I have the medal to prove it. And now that I have the experience under my belt, I know what I should and shouldn't be doing (for the most part) pre-race. And that includes not burning myself out (physically, mentally, and emotionally) in addition to putting more effort into my training.

Unfortunately, as much as I can remind myself of what I have "learned" (kinda already knew, but had verified), it's easy to get caught up in the negativity of one event.

One of my goals after we move into our new apartment next month is to get a medal hanger.The search has been... Interesting... But I think I'll be going with one from Allied Medal Displays:

I think at the point I'm at in my running, this sums it all up for me. I started running because I knew I could. I always told myself I couldn't, I'm not fast enough, I'll look stupid, etc... But one day I realized the only thing holding me back is me.
That goes for running longer distances. Running races by myself. Heck, just getting the guts to sign up for one!
Because I know my husband is behind me. My family is behind me (that includes his folks, too, even though dear FIL thinks I'm nuts - then again, the magnet on my car says "13.1 - cuz I'm only HALF crazy!" haha). My friends are behind me.

Speaking of support systems... One of my friends actually texted me to make sure I wasn't in Boston. I told her no (obviously), and then on Friday I realized... She thinks I could run Boston. Nevermind getting into a discussion with her on the details of BQing and such, because I don't think we discussed it. And I'm pretty sure a BQ isn't in my future.

But the fact remains:

It's great to have people who have your back and have confidence in you,

but you have to have your back and have confidence in yourself.

Even so, I wouldn't trade my support system for the world ♥
And before I forget, other medal hangers I'm contemplating:

(both from Heavy Medalz)

Food Porn, and Boston

I'm sure I'm living vicariously through someone at Red Robin right now. Ever since I got my wisdom teeth out on Wednesday, I've wanted a burger. Or chicken. But definitely a burger. And of course, they told me to stay away from ground beef... So I'm assuming a burger is out of the question (especially the fabulously spicy Burnin' Love Burger at Red Robin, fried jalapenos and all!)

...

Still trying to figure out how to get proper nutrition for running until my mouth completely heals. It's hard enough (and sad enough) when I get GI issues from running anyway...

On that note, here's a picture for you. Because I can ;)

Red Robin's Burnin' Love Burger, at your service.

(Also, I'm totally baking some sweet potatoes/yams right now. Got some mashed ones I'm hoping come out like sweet potato pie (yum!!), and some sweet potato pieces that I'm hoping come out like fries/wedges/what-have-you, but, you know, sweet) ;)

That said, with everything that's been going on in Boston, what with the explosions at the 117th Boston Marathon on Monday (15 April 2013)... Facebook, Twitter, the news... Everything and everyone has been talking about it. And I don't don't blame them. It's a pretty major event, scary and life-changing for so many - in positive and negative ways.

Negative ways... I shouldn't even have to specify how. Three dead, a large number injured (100+), and even more affected in other ways.

Positive ways, well... It's amazing to see people joining together to provide one another with support. From the slowest runner to the fastest runner, those in between, those are aren't runners, etc., etc., etc. - I've seen nothing but support, and it really does make a person feel good about some of the goings-on in the world, realizing (or having it reaffirmed) that there are wonderful people out there.

Today (within the last few hours, in fact) they caught the (still living) suspect. Boston was on lockdown this morning while they searched.

The other suspect (his brother) is dead.

That said - and please don't try to burn me at the stake or through the computer for this - I truly hope they have the right people. Looking online, seeing that people have been sending the suspects death threats in some way, shape, or form (and the threats sent to the person they initially thought was a suspect, but actually wasn't)... It stings.

Maybe it's just me and I'm overly sensitive (or not sensitive enough), but I can't imagine wishing someone dead. Maybe hoping they stub their toe or something, I guess, but not actually wishing someone dead.

I know some people will say "You run, why don't you get it?" or "Well, they shouldn't have done this!" or "That's what they get!" but... It's not up to me to decide "what they get". Such a concept has always made me rather uncomfortable.

I don't believe it's up to me to decide if someone lives or dies.

Take that how you will. Agree, disagree, hate me, love me, whatever you will.

I stick by that.

On that note: I hope those in Boston, as well as friends, families, runners, those who were at the Boston Marathon, etc... I hope they can breathe better and rest easier tonight. And that the right people are held accountable.

♥

Words of Wisdom (Teeth)

I had my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday. Something I could've lived without, but nothing like the horror stories people kept feeding me with horrible nurses, oral surgeons not listening to people that novocaine won't work on them, that kind of mess.

Although I will say it was kinda weird and creepy because they had wrist clamps for heart rate/pulse monitors, and the cords attached to them (so yay, no sticky stuff!). I was hanging out around 68 or so, and then the oral surgeon walked in and it jumped to about 78.

Nervous much?

I found it rather... Humorous, for lack of a better word, that they told me to come in wearing short sleeves or something that could easily be rolled up past the elbow (for IV sedation)... Yeah, they stuck it in my hand.
The oral surgeon told me that in about two minutes the room would spin.
I only got as far as thinking "Man, my hand feels a little numb..." and then I woke up.

Yeah, I don't know what "room spinning" he was talking about.

I love my MIL. My husband has a bad habit of volunteering her for things and not telling her until a day or two before (or, you know, being "nice" and "volunteering" me for things... We gotta work on his communication! lol??), and she ended up taking me to the dentist AND staying in the waiting room for an hour and a half - all while being on a teleconference that she'd had scheduled.
Not to mention the fact that they actually showed me a video on how to care for my mouth AS I was waking up.

Totally slept through most of it.

And on top of everything else, she changed my bloody gauze, and even made me try to have some milkshake before she made me take my painkiller (nevermind that I didn't need or want the painkiller, she followed instructions and wouldn't let me take it on an empty stomach - and she wiped my coat when I spilled shake and dripped blood on myself).
With a mouth full of clean gauze, I told her I loved her. And that I'd never felt so attractive in my life (sarcasm, of course).

My last run was two nights ago, and ended in enough time that I had a small dish of frozen yogurt, some orange juice... I think I also had my water and vitamins, or something like that... All right before the cutoff of when they told me to not eat before the surgery.
And then waking up around 8, about an hour before the surgery... Needless to say, I was crabby because I was hungry - AND I wasn't allowed to have water or anything.

The more recent dilemma has been deciding what I can and can't do. I woke up at 7, despite having the day off... And I wanted to go for a run.
Of course, I've been pretty clear-headed since the surgery (although a bit groggy yesterday, but still pretty lucid), but I know good and well that DH and the ILs would've been all "NO! NO YOU MAY NOT!!!"
And soI didn't.
I paid credit card bills. I looked up shoes for graduation for about an hour. I spent just over an hour on the phone with my FIL (and yes, the "NO YOU MAY NOT!" was confirmed). And then I was so bored (and maybe a little tired?? But mostly bored) that I slept from just after 11 until about 2, pausing for random phone calls, of course.
I was so bored I was tempted to go into work. Of course, I'm going in at about 5 anyway for an evening training.

And here I am, awake. Very minimal pain, maybe a hint of discomfort here and there... And I've been living on Ensure shakes and pudding - the kind of pudding that has to be refrigerated! (How weird is that??). And a little bit of applesauce.
Which is tasty and all, but it blows because I would go for a burger or a spicy chicken sandwich or something if I could, but I should probably avoid that for the next couple days.

On the subject of nutrition, I've been trying to figure out exactly how to take care of myself post-run for the next week while my mouth heals. I already have a hard time with GI issues post-run, and now it seems like I'm going to be on applesauce, Ensure, pudding (cold pudding! ick), and water for ages.
I feel a bit like an old person with hardcore dietary restrictions or something.

I tried looking it up, and I found all sorts of posts from people who ran a great distance the next day, or couldn't run the next day, who felt fine or had a horrible experience, and I'm just thinking "Well, I could be out and moving around instead of laying here like a lump because I'm not in pain..."

Even better, the experience I got from my other job... They called me yesterday afternoon with an open shift on Saturday - I'd already told one person I wouldn't be able to do Saturday (the day of the NCE), but that I wouldn't be able to come in to fill out the paperwork because I work during the hours the office is open. She told me it was ok.
My phone was on silent yesterday and I dozed through the call. When I saw they'd called I was going to make DH call and let them know I was unavailable for a shift - of course he didn't do that. So I sent them an email.
I called them this morning to make sure they got the message, and was told that when "something like this happens" (meaning my wisdom teeth getting taken out) I need to call and let them know I can't work.
Uh... That's not why I can't work Saturday. I'd already spoken to someone about it - I'm not working Saturday because I paid $300 to take a licensure exam. I feel perfectly fine, and I'm not available for them during the week anyway! I don't know what wisdom teeth Wednesday have to do with work Saturday - AND I was lucid enough to send an email that was grammatically correct and had no spelling errors.

Head, meet wall.

I love them, but I'm waiting to get a call to work graduation day this time around, too. I took the day off when I graduated with my bachelor's, and ended up working an overnight :-/

Which reminds me, if you all didn't notice... I'm graduating! May 4 :)
I rewrote my career counseling essay for my written exam, and I will be graduating! As in, diploma and everything! Now to find the right shoes for graduation. MIL and I will be going after the NCE on Saturday to see what we can find.

That is all. For now ;)

"Running Diet" vs. "Healthy Diet"

While laying in bed this morning, DH and I were talking about what needed to be on our grocery list. I've got a pretty basic grocery list that gets me through just about everything (that is, I can add or subtract, but those usually stay the same).

You know, the goods: water, milk, bread, peanut butter... Cheese, because no grocery list is complete without cheese. Obviously. Greek yogurt, bagels, OJ, cereal (like Frosted Mini Wheats or Honey Bunches of Oats Honey Roasted), bananas, stuff like that.

And sometimes there are the things that we run out of less often than the other items, and need more of at that time. Canned tomatoes, black and/or kidney beans, random vegetables, oatmeal. Maybe the occasional box of granola.

While trying to figure out how to expand our list in a healthy manner, find stuff we'd actually WANT to eat (bell peppers are not my idea of fun), stuff that works if we don't have time to cook/don't feel like cooking, stuff that will hold us throughout the work day, I decided I would look up "best foods for runners".

Or something like that.

Of course, if you've ever wondered what a runner "should" eat and therefore have looked it up, asked somebody about it, or heard about "carb-loading"/"carbo-loading", you know that big things that show up on these lists are: bananas, pasta, bagels, peanut butter, fruits (especially berries), veggies... And, you know, the occasional random obscure thing.

And yogurt. Which I love, although I usually see "plain yogurt" on those lists. Blech.

I know some people love their plain yogurt, but I think it tastes awful. Well, to each their own.

Anyway, as I was going through these sites, one after another after another, I realized that they all said just about the same thing (see above with the most popular items *coughBANANAScough*).

And it occurred to me, you can look up "What should runners eat?", "Healthy runner's diet", "Best running foods", "Best foods for runners", and whatever else pertaining to running and food... And what you get on the "yes!" list is basically what people should be eating anyway.

So how is it that a "running" diet isn't the same thing as a "healthy" diet?

Now, obviously there are some differences - some things that you may need more or less of depending on what's going on with your body.

For example, ease up on the fiber-rich foods before a run, especially a long one. It's all about the right amount and right timing, otherwise you may end up making some, uh, pit stops, if you know what I mean.

I had a doctor suggest taking calcium/magnesium/zinc supplements when I told him about the Princess Half. Fabulous idea, except when I took them I realized I couldn't take the full serving because they made me feel... off (dizzy, etc.), which was a sign that I was already getting enough of the... Magnesium or zinc, I forget which.

It's amazing to look at the "differences", and especially the similarities between "healthy" diets/lifestyles and "running" diets/lifestyles.

It also feels a bit like "healthy" eating is looked down on, is thought to be a bit "stuffy", and has a hint of "WTF is wrong with you?" attached to it. Hello, have you seen what some of the more popular foods/restaurants serve most of the time, and the stress that's been put on obesity, foods that aren't as good for you, changing up fast food, etc.? But it's also important to take into account that some of the "healthier" foods are far more expensive than processed foods, and they tend to go bad faster. I wonder if the financial aspect of this has to do with any of the (mis)conceptions surrounding the "healthy" diet. I know that when discussing socioeconomic status (SES) in my classes and talking about health, one of the things that's mentioned is people not really being able to afford to eat better.

Whereas it seems like runners who essentially eat the way they should... Are almost revered. Maybe thought to be a little nuts (no pun on the importance of eating nuts, I promise!) and maybe as "kooky" as the stereotypical vegetarian (Tofu? No thanks! My ILs eat it and I just can't wrap my head around it. My vegetarian hubs and vegetarian ILs eat it occasionally, but tends to go for stuff that's less... Obscure, so to speak). But it's often "Man, that willpower, fueling the body for their runs, etc., etc."

Ok, so these are obviously (mostly) my own points of view and opinions and hardcore ramblings and all.

Has anyone else noticed similar things?

Any and all input is welcome! ☺

Oh, and I did add soy nuts to my grocery list. (And still, no tofu!) ;)

Feeling a Little... Dopey :D (Also, questions for runners!)

Those of you who follow runDisney probably have an idea of what I'm going to say next...

In January 2014, I'll be running the (first!!) Dopey Challenge at Disney World.

I couldn't tell you if I'm more nervous or excited about this whole thing.
DH took a quick break after his meeting at work on Tuesday in order to get to get to a computer that wouldn't block the runDisney site (see also: he went to his folks' house) to register me for the race.

Happy impending-graduation present from the in-laws.

There's a small part of me going "WTF was I THINKING???" because this will be my first marathon, but the bigger part of me is going "Man, this is cool... I have 9 months to train for it, so I should probably get on it." And with the Dumbo Double Dare (and any other races I register for before Goofy), it's not like I'm not getting out there.

On that note, any runners reading this: How did you select a training plan to use - and did you actually use it? Also, how did you find it? (Internet, books, personal trainer, etc.)

I've been looking at the runDisney training plans, and they haven't updated the ones for the WDW Marathon Weekend for the 2014 races. Which makes sense, because race registration opened up less than a week ago!
All the same, the Goofy's Challenge training plan is 28 weeks long. So about 7 months long. That time out from Dopey is coming up pretty quickly. I wonder if that's a training plan I should use - I mean, even though the dates are wrong, it's still pretty relevant.
But I've also been thinking about whether or not to use a training plan for an ultra. Because Dopey is a 5K + 10K + half marathon (21K) + marathon (42K), we're looking at 48.6 miles run in 4 days.

Now that seems a little overwhelming at a glance. I gotta stop to catch my breath.

Biiiiiig sigh.

Ok, I think I'm good. Although suddenly the treadmill is calling my name.

Speaking of treadmills, I was recently enlightened to the existence of "virtual runner" apps, that you can use on the treadmill to "run" a certain route.

Has anyone ever used a virtual running app/DVD/video/what-have-you??

It was either through Competitor, Runner's World, or Women's Running, but one of them talked about Outside Interactive's Virtual Runner app. It sounds really cool. Although, less-inspiring is that you would have to purchase each individual route, and the reviews have been either hit or miss.
I was noticing the same thing with the (free!!) Virtual Active app reviews. Obviously you can't please everybody,but even so.
Both apps appear to have wonderfully different things to offer. Heck, Outside Interactive's VR app has the Boston Marathon route! I know in order to run Boston, I'd have to run at just under 2/3 of my current pace! My (qualifying) miles would have to be 8 minutes/mile or less... You do the math.

In other, far more depressing words, my client had to take her dog back to the (no-kill) shelter a few days ago because, with her age and health concerns and all, she can't care for the dog as well as she could when she got her over a year ago. So I looked at the website for the shelter she (the dog) is at... And then I started looking at the puppies.
We're moving to a 2-bedroom apartment in a month and a half (which will clean things up around here dramatically, between school and work stuff and everything) but I'm pretty sure that even then they wouldn't let us adopt a dog. Besides, we both work full-time. It would take quite a bit of maneuvering to have a dog OR house-break a puppy.

Alright, I'm off to sulk. Call me the mood-killer.
Have a good one.

Run the World (Girls)

On our way back from KC and the Diva Dash 5k, I decided to look for the song "Run the World (Girls)" by Beyonce so that I could purchase it on iTunes and add it to my stash of running music.

As I did this I discovered a number of other running songs that I was lacking because of this lovely thing called "2 separate iTunes accounts, now only have one". It's not very pleasant, and that's a completely different story.

Anyway! Last night and Sunday night, it seems that I have turned this into one of my "Power Songs" for running. As in, I don't care how many times I play it (well, I DO care, but you know what I mean!), it never ceases to pump me up and keep me moving. It doesn't have to get me going faster, although that's always nice. It just has to keep me going and encourage me to keep my head up and that I can do it.

Last night my head kept trying to tell me "You can't do it". "This is impossible". "Don't bother". "Give up now". "Goofy's Race and a Half? Who are you kidding?!". "Dopey Challenge? WTF? What is WRONG with you?!?!?!?!?!?!?!".

I gotta admit, Beyonce was one of the ones to help me through it.

A marathon... Something I've never done before. A half marathon, I've done. A full marathon in under 7 hours? When they give you that as your time limit, it ultimately seems *horrifying*, to say the least. And couple that with a half marathon, and maybe a 10k and a 5k, depending on available spots at registration, and my brain is telling my body that, well, it's a fucked up idea.
Pardon my French, but if you run, you understand. Or even if you don't run, and you're just trying to DSD - do something different.
It's terrifying to imagine being out there for 7 hours... I know I won't be alone, but it is just terrifying, especially knowing that the farthest I've ever done in training is about 10 miles, and 13.1 miles at once during the half, and 16.2 miles the entire weekend (plus an ungodly amount of walking on top of it).

Oh my goodness, and to know that the people who win marathons are out there for maybe two hours! It took me 3:11:57 (I think???) to complete the half! (Although I have a goal to complete it faster than that, but I guess it IS a relief to know that I can complete it within the time requirements)

At the same time, I have to keep reminding myself that I have 9.5 months (oh dear) to train for whichever Challenge I happen to be able to register for. And it's far enough away that instead of marathon training I can arguably do ultramarathon training to be prepared for the long weekend... Or combine some ultra training with some marathon training.
Aren't most marathon plans 4-6 months long?

Let me quit psyching myself out.

The fact of the matter is that I keep telling myself that I can't do it... But I'll never know until I try.

What is it they say? It's some percent physical, but some (much greater) percent mental? At this point I really think it is.
And, of course, continuing to strengthen my body for it.

But 9 months is a long time. Deep breaths :)

Oh, and where I was going with the whole Beyonce thing! There's a line that says something about "Smart enough to earn the millions, strong enough to bear the children... Then get back to bi'ness."

ETA: (Why, yes, I DID just type "bi'ness". Because that's how it sounds to me... Although I still can't believe that I actually typed it. My apologies)


NOTE: I began typing this up before a training I had to attend for work this morning... I was all set to publish it. Then I was going to meet DH for dinner and I had a fortune cookie (Yes, I ate a cookie before dinner! LOL) and this is what it said!

Perfect timing for this entire post, no? Even more inspiration/motivation to keep my goals right where they are and push myself to try to make it work :D

Diva-licious for the Diva Dash 5k!

In the last 24 hours DH and I packed up, drove to Leawood, Kansas (just outside of KC), slept, got up, I registered for and completed the Diva Dash 5k, and then we came back home.

A girl I went to high school with told me about it, and I was so excited because there will be one in Omaha in May.
And then I realized... It's on the same day as the Runway Run, which I've been wanting to do for the last year. It's one of the events that got me interested in running!

So I talked with DH and we looked up the Diva Dash 5k... The event is also in Tulsa, Wichita, Topeka, and KC (see: Leawood), unless I'm mistaken. We were unsure of making the drive there, but last night he surprised me with the go-ahead.

We got to our hotel just after midnight, and were out the door by about 7:15 this morning. The website wasn't kidding when it said that the start/finish of the race was basically right outside of our hotel, when it talked about discount rates for the race.

Pre-run I stopped by the face-painting tent they had for everyone. I told the lady to surprise me and she gave me a beautiful purple, pink, and blue flower. That was at about 8:20 this morning. It's 6:30 in the evening. That flower is still on my face, and I. Am. Loving it.
I've gotten a few weird looks for it, including from some middle-school-age looking girl who just kept staring at me during lunch whenever I turned to look at anything.
DH calls it my "war paint".

I'm not gonna lie when I say I was freezing my tail off. I made the mistake of not really warming up, and in the first quarter-to-half of a mile I could tell my muscles weren't really warmed up. My calves felt tight and... Well, my toes were numb, but that wasn't from not warming up. I just don't bond well with the cold - something I should've thought of sooner. I didn't bring a headband (earmuffs) or my long sleeves for running, but thankfully I had other stuff with me. I threw on a sweatshirt, my mittens (that were gloves on the inside - not great for me, but better than nothing), my Steelers hat, some calf sleeves with my long shorts, and I was good to go! Well, for the most part.

It was a very nice loop, starting us off in the shopping area our hotel was in, going through a neighborhood, down a street (Nall Street??), past the outdoor mall, through the edge of the parking garage, and down through the drive to the shops we started at.

It was the first run I've ever done by myself. And I saw in action something that I've seen mentioned again and again on websites: when out running, be aware of your surroundings. Especially when alone, but also when running with others. As we were running through the neighborhood... Well, people live in neighborhoods, right? I got to witness a number of people blocking cars trying to slowly drive away from the crowd of females. And they weren't aware they were blocking moving vehicles, unless they suddenly turned around, the person next to them tapped them on the shoulder, or, in the case of one person I saw, someone ran up to them and told them.

Basically, it's important to pay attention to your body AND your surroundings.
It's something you know, but sometimes you realize not everyone is aware of it.
Headphones shouldn't drown out everything.

Oh! In addition to it being my first run by myself, it was my first run in the cold. I admit that I was totally using my mitten for my nose a little bit.
My nose lightly ran almost consistently for the first two miles. Then suddenly my nose was pretty much done running,.. And then I started lightly sweating. Go figure.

I'm rolling my eyes at that, just FYI.

Finish time: 39:20.9

My next time goal is to get under 39 minutes. I'm hoping to do the Illuminite Run the night before the Runway Run and get a sub-39.

I'm enjoying myself :)

"After Ever After"

I absolutely could NOT resist sharing this video that I found through Twitter earlier. It's called "After Ever After", and the guy's (Jon Cozart) YouTube name is Paint.

He pulls the stories of four Disney princesses, and sings (from their point of view) about what life for them is like after "Happily ever after". Is really freaking amazing., hilarious, and kinda sad at the same time because of how much truth/fact is involved in it when you take into account history, even recent history.

Also, his voice is freaking amazing. And not just his voice, but the talent and sheer skill involved in putting this video together and getting everything aligned as well as it is.

So now, without further ado... Enjoy.

And believe me, you'll enjoy it.

Learning by Burning? Nope, Avoiding Burnout!

I know I just posted a new blog very recently (as in, less than two minutes ago as I type this), but this is an issue important enough to me that it deserved its own post.

Burnout.

So far, it's something I've managed to avoid. But in the last couple months (specifically, February with its crazy test prep and anxiety and everything) it seemed like burnout was something that was going to hit me - and hard.

It's no secret among my friends that I'm a bit of a night owl. But I'm starting to get it together and try to go to bed, uh, BEFORE midnight or one in the morning (see also: No more checking Groupon right at midnight! ... Yes, yes I am that person... Or I was, at least).
I also have to wonder if part of that had to do with me being tired.

To condense a suuuuuper long story, it's been stressful. Super stressful. If you've checked out previous posts, you know about comps. I've also not been working as much as I used to.

Correction: I'm working more, when you add in my internship, I just wasn't getting paid for it.

Nothing like basically working a full-time job and not getting paid for it, huh?

On the same note, because my schedule has been reduced to only weekends for my one job, and my stable client moved to be by other family, I haven't been working much.
See also: three hours every other weekend.
(Mind you, this client I see every other week is such a sweetheart. Love her!)

But the fact remains, I was relying on my husband for income. What I was making wouldn't even cover our gas bill sometimes (No, I will not say how much the paycheck is, or what our gas bill is... But either way, it's a big drop from working 15-ish hours every weekend). And I was sick of it. Sick of it, and worrying myself sick because I just want to make sure bills get paid, and for a while when we first got married we'd had an agreement that I would be the predominant provider due to school scheduling and all. I wasn't used to relying on someone else, but I WAS used to working my tail off.
And after a while, especially as I realized that I was racking up internship hours (BTW, I'm OFFICIALLY done with them! Nearly 200 over my total minimum needed), but I was tired. I was frustrated. I was appreciated, and I knew it, but it was hard. Especially when I'm used to doing the math to make sure bills get paid, even though I KNOW they'll get paid. I can't recall ever having been late on a bill.

But it was always me saying "I'll take care of it", simply for the fact that my family stresses education BIG-time. And I already have my Bachelor's degree, and I didn't want my husband to worry about finances while completing his... And there was no was he was dropping out of school to work. No way.

Eventually it takes its toll on you.

I have to say, I'm super excited that I've been hired on as an official full-time staff at my internship. It's exciting. It's exhilarating, and enjoyable, and it gives me such an opportunity to learn (and grow and be more flexible - it's amazing what having a set of keys can do...). I've enjoyed the staff since I started there - actually, today felt like it was my first day again, I was that excited and happy, and the consumers were excited to hear that I'd be staying on.

However, a small part of me wondered... Is it the excitement getting RID of the tinglings of burnout, or is it the excitement HIDING those feelings?
Either way, I tend to use the excitement to my advantage.

Let's face it, as an unpaid intern working 30-40 hours a week... Who'd already completed her minimum required hours, and far EXCEEDED them... After a while, you start losing the motivation to... Show up early or on time (I know, cardinal sin in the workplace! Horribly shameful, and something I know better than to do). To feel good about going.

One of the things we talk about in the Anxiety and Phobia group that I lead there... Is "Personal Meaning".
I have to say that being hired there... Gives me a sense of meaning when being there. More than before. It gives me a sense of direction. I can learn more about the position. Help out more. Get more into the documentation side of things, learn more about the processes. Not feel like I'm nagging someone when I have scheduled a one-on-one meeting with someone, and I need keys to open the phone room. Be able to meet with more individuals one-on-one.

Oh, and here's a big one: I feel more accepted.

Not that I wasn't to begin with, but when the desire, anticipation, excitement, and determination start waning, and burnout starts setting in... It's kind of hard to be enjoyable to be around, I'm sure, and when it's comes to wondering if someone will be reliable... That shouldn't happen, but I know it's something that happens to many, many people out there in the world.
My head's been churning with ideas, with the possibilities of the things I can do and the ways I can contribute - that was a big thing with me before I switched departments at my internship. I was welcome, until it became apparent that there were many things that, as an intern, I couldn't do alone. Then I became a bit of an annoyance to at least one person. Thankfully someone understood - the guy who was in the program with me, and interned in another department before he was hired. He understood that it wasn't easy, and that it could be terribly limited, and for that I'm grateful.

Ok, enough of my gabbing about burnout and the importance of having a sense of meaning and direction. I think I'm done blogging for the night. Thank you and thank you ☺

Marching away!

Yes, yes, that was my cheesy way of incorporating into the blog that it is now MARCH of 2013. And what an exciting month it has been so far! It's almost absurd how much excitement has been happening.

Also, as a heads up... My brain is working in bullet points in order to sort everything out. So it's all wrapped up in a nice, neat package... That is hardcore sealed with tape in every opening for security (and a little bit for fun, to watch people try to find a place to pry it open... Yes, I am THAT person at Christmas and on birthdays. No paper is left in tact when I'm around! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok, random maniacal rant over)

• On March 1st (a week ago today) I took the written portion of the test that I need to pass in order to graduate with my Master's in May. I felt SO much better about that portion than I did about the CPCE (160 multiple choice questions). The sections I got were: Careers, Groups, Consulting, and Multicultural. Pretty much everyone I've talked to feels much better about their 4 essays than they did about the CPCE.
• I believe the scores you can receive are: high pass, pass, low pass, and no pass. You're only allowed one "no pass" for an essay, and if you get one then you have to redo that essay immediately. If you get more than one "no pass", well, you have to retake the entire written portion the next time it's offered - and in this case, that's in the fall. Which would delay graduation until December, if that were to happen. But I'm fairly confident in my essays, the only exception being Careers. Seriously, they talk to us about theories in the majority of our classes, but theories specific to Career Counseling?? They were only in that class. Go figure... But hopefully I'll find out soon!
• On March 4th I met with my internship supervisor and my instructor. It's always great to get compliments; my supervisor occasionally remarks that I'm probably the most prepared intern he's ever had.
• On that same token, one of my goals to work on (and one of my biggest insecurities regarding counseling) is theories. More specifically, working to identify my theoretical orientation, and learning more about it. I have a basic idea of the theory I mesh with best (CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) but often I find it hard to put into words. That and I barely got out of Theories with a B-. Originally I had a C+, but I emailed the professor and he bumped me up. If you get two C's in this program then you get put on academic probation. If you get three C's, you're out of the program. You can appeal your grades and all, but even without emailing my professor, I wasn't feeling especially confident in that particular class.
• On March 5th... Well, I went to class. And I spent time talking with one of the girls who works at my internship about possibly applying for the open position at my internship. She told me to think over it that night, but basically have my decision made the next day, because it's a vacant position they need filled and, while they like me, it'll probably get filled fast.
• That day I also went to our apartment complex office about a 2-bedroom apartment. No, nothing like a baby or anything, so don't get to freaking out! Just more space. A girl can only have so many bookshelves in a 1-bedroom apartment without tripping over stuff, right? And then I went and worked out, and I met someone in the fitness room! It was weird, he was nice AND he actually talked to me! Not usually something I get while in the fitness room, that's for certain.
• March 6th... I spoke to my site supervisor about the open position. She told me to get on the paperwork. I forget what else happened.
• March 7th (this being yesterday) my site supervisor gave me a copy of the application, and told me I basically already had the job but that I still had to fill out the paperwork. And shortly thereafter I had a staff member tell me "welcome aboard". Which reminds me, we have a new staff member on my team. She's beyond nice, and she was excited to hear that I was taking the open position.
• Even better! I got home, saw that there was mail from the department at school... The hubs had to open the letter for me, I was so nervous... But I passed the CPCE! Which means that assuming that the essays turn how how I'd like them to, I'm graduating May 4!!!!!
• Oh, and to top it all off, a book I've been waiting on finally came out. It was 2.5 months past the original deadline, due to author illness, but I'm so excited for it. I finished it tonight, and I'm looking forward to when the final book in the trilogy comes out in April or May.
• If I haven't mentioned... I'm a sucker for romance novels. The book I've been waiting on is called Armando Returns, and it's by Reeni Austin.
• Aaaaaaand today, March 8... I turned in my application for the position, as well as a copy of my resume. AT about 10:15 this morning, less than two hours after I turned everything in, I got a call from HR confirming my acceptance of the position, some super basic information, and that my official start date is Monday! See also: I'm going to be getting PAID to do what I've been doing the last few months. Also, more responsibilities, but no big. Bring it on!
• Unfortunately this means that I'll be switching teams and will be working with different consumers than I've been working with the last 4.5 months. That is, I'll be working with the same people, but less intimately with some and more intimately with others. It's disappointing, but I'll look at it as an opportunity for growth. And I know the new staff on my (original) team loves the team, and that she'll be great.

I have my first full-time job! I feel like such a big girl now! ☺

And that's the previous week of my life in a nutshell, basically. Also, tomorrow I'll (hopefully) be attending a counseling conference on campus. I'm excited, they JUST started offering it free to students. I was going to try to go before they announced that, but now I'll definitely be trying to go.